What I wish...

I absolutely adore writing prompts! My third-graders were given the following prompt and three minutes to write whatever they wanted. This, however, was my response...

Oh, the limitless possibilities!

(Prompt: If I could have one wish, I would wish for...) I would wish for large vocabularies for all my students.

If my students have large vocabularies, they'll understand what I mean when I tell them they are doing phenomenally. They'll be able to perform stupendous work. They'll be able to write prolifically.

They'll know to avoid egregious and audacious behavior. They'll also be able to keep the decibel level in the classroom to a manageable minimum. And they certainly won't be loquacious!

Above all, their reading levels would be monumental! Words like insipid, retroactive and redundant would inspire them to read with deep comprehension and alacrity! Wow!

I simply couldn't muster the courage to read any of the students' responses. I'm too afraid I'll see "I wish Mr. Haworth didn't throw all those big, scary words at me! What do they even mean?"

Summer Plans, in Five Sentences

We're on the tail end of the academic year. After nearly 180 days of craziness, I know that my colleagues AND students are planning some well-deserved summer breaks.

We've already got the kids writing about it.

"Tell me what you're summer plans are," I heard one of my first grade teachers tell her students. "What kind of fun will you have. If you don't have any plans, tell me what you would like to do over the summer. At least five sentences, please!"

I don't know about those kids, but I have big plans for my summer. Allow me to tell you what they are.

I may get started on the hot tub in my back deck. How hard could that be? I also want to make a rock patio in a corner of my back yard, replete with a grill built into it. Oh, and I need to convert my son's fort into a utility shed while I'm in project mode.

I've got trips to schedule between the projects so I won't be bored this summer.

There will be at least two fishing trips to the beach. For everyone else, they're just beach trips. I'm thinking at least three trips to Badin Lake -- again, fishing.

I'm researching some blue ribbon trout streams in Montana, currently. I haven't mentioned that trip to my wife yet. No worries, though. What wife doesn't want her hubby to be happy?

Don't forget all the grilling that needs to take place. Grilling at my home. Grilling at the beach. Grilling at my friend Al's house. Grilling at the lake. Grilling fish, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, steaks, shish kabobs and anything else I can throw onto my grill!

Add to this list several numerous rounds of golf and a camping trip or two. Have I mentioned fishing? We'll squeeze in a little more here.

And then I'm going to... Wait! Have I exceeded five sentences?

God Vacations in New York?

It seems that I have taken a wrong turn in my life. Instead of being a first grade teacher assistant, I should have been a fourth grade assistant, or perhaps teacher. Or, perhaps not.

My wife recently got a job as a fourth grade teacher at a somewhat local elementary school. Every once and again, she'll bring home papers to grade. Ultimately, I will end up helping with the grading process.

They recently read the book "Dear Mrs. LaRue" by Mark Teague. The assignment? Each one had to write a paper by finishing the sentence "If I was Ike, I would have escaped to..."

In the book, Ike, the dog, escapes from obedience school. He travels all over the place before coming back home. These fourth-graders, though, have some better ideas than Ike of where they would go and what they would do.

Several kids hearts were in the right place and said they would escape to go back home and be with their families. Several others, however, looked towards food first. Two of them would have escaped to Burger King. One would escape to Biscuitville and another was planning to get to Cook Out.

There were several places mentioned, like Chicago, New Jersey, New York and Mexico. And from there, it only gets better. Or worse, depending on your point of view.

After the initial layover in New York, one fourth-grader planned to find a space ship. Why? Well, as he said, his problems would be a planet away. Besides, he planned to meet aliens, get a job and find a house somewhere out there.

One boy simply made a list of all the places he would visit. They included, in this order, the beach, Mexico, the moon, New York (to meet God), the past and the future. The last, of course, would be with the time machine that he made himself.

The best response, though, was the sweet little one who would have escaped to Hawaii ("Howaye"). Why Hawaii? Basically because "almost nobody lives thier and thiers is no police..." He goes on to mention something about surfing and cool cars available to steal. I'm beginning to understand the interest in the lack of police presence!

Police or no police, he said he will take -- my word, not his -- the fastest car he can find so no one will be able to catch him anyway. That way he can get to his secret house that no one knows about so he can live happily ever after, or so I assume.

Nice plan. I have seen the future generation, dear readers. I am scared.

Spaniels Have Talented Noses

My creativity has been known to slip into other genres, or areas outside this blog. Besides the occasional poem and some children's stories, I've been known to do some creative texting.

My son and I have a tentative agreement as to who will feed the fuzzy, black dogs and when. On those few occasions that he forgets to feed them, Bob, the black spaniel (aka, his dog), sends him reminder texts.

Here is but a small sampling of the "reminder texts" that Bob has sent my son:

I. IS. HUNGWY. Dis bob.

Yo. Hungwy. Nuff said. Dis bob.

Da bob need food! Dis bob.

Umm. Hewo? Emptee bowl? Dis bob.

Hey! Forget sumthin? Dis bob.

Sooooo hungwy! Dis bob.

Foodfoodfoodfoodfood! Dis bob.

Daddy wubs me. He feeding me now! Dis bob.

Hewo. Iss been 18635... umm a wotta time in dog secunds and no food! Dis bob.

Soo fweakin hungwy! Dis bob.

Dood! Food! Need food dood! Dood? Dis bob.

Food make bob happy. Bowl emptee. Dis bob.

Being the awesome 15 year old he is, my son plays along with my creative insanity.

"That's amazing, dad," he exclaims. "How does Bob do it? Text, I mean. Paws?"

"It is amazing," I respond. "That dog has one incredibly talented nose!"

First Grade Writing

I think my kids look forward to Guided Reading with me. I have them writing all sorts of fun things. I don't generally get to write along with them.

They write things like "If I were the tooth fairy, I would..." "My favorite book is... And here's why..." and "If I were the gingerbread man, I would..."

"Why don't you have to do this, Mr. Haworth," I've been asked before. Duh! I'm the teacher, that's why! More interestingly, I was asked recently "Why have you always got to know about our business, Mr. Haworth?"

One of my favorites was the gingerbread writing assignment. I started it last year, but have expanded on it this year. I certainly don't allow my kids THAT much time for their writing assignments!

With that being said, if I were the gingerbread man, I would start a guitar band and I would name it Gingerbread Stud Muffins.

My band would be four guys and, being the gingerbread man, I would play the bass guitar and be the cool one. Everyone knows the cool bassists get all the chicks.

Which would be pointless since we would have concerts at elementary schools, starting with the one I work at now.

For our first concert, we would invite all my first-graders to hear us play in the gym. Of course, they'll all get A's just for showing up and knowing who that really cool gingerbread bass player is. And then...