tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57766767180975990532024-03-13T02:43:47.885-04:00Fuzzy Black Dogsphaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.comBlogger262125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-68898453366843465602024-01-07T20:43:00.002-05:002024-01-07T20:43:23.288-05:00If ADD Were a Poem...<p> I've reached a self-discovery phase of my life.</p><p>The humorous things that I do and that happen to and around me just don't seem quite as humorous as they once did. Don't get me wrong. They are funny, but something inside of me has turned a corner.</p><p>I will continue to write, but, if you'll bear with me, I'm on a new journey to discover myself. I want to answer the important questions... Who am I really? What's important to me? What are my strengths and weaknesses? And why am I not my top priority?</p><p>There are a lot (a lot alot!) more questions, but that doesn't make for fun reading.</p><p>When I was diagnosed with ADD (it was all ADD 31 years ago) I didn't know what that really meant. I assumed it meant I was broken, flawed, different, and would never fit in or be like anybody else.</p><p>I saw a post on a social media platform that asked, "What is ADHD to you? How would you express it? What do you want people to know about how it makes you feel?" That post sparked me to write the following poem. This is my mental definition of ADD. I hope you like it.<br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">The voiceless screamer<br /> so shrill and so loud<br /> unheard<br /> unheeded<br />And relatively unknown<br /> as it vies to break out<br /> to rise above<br />the mundane mediocrity<br />of everyone else's egregious<br /> emergencies<br />which rain down,<br /> dripping and drenching<br /> the unheard<br /> the unheeded<br /> and unknown<br />below</div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-86390734916406820002023-08-12T14:59:00.001-04:002023-08-12T14:59:28.048-04:00A Tearful Goodbye<p> A dear friend, practically a family member, passed today.</p><p>I said a lengthy prayer as I delicately placed him into the trash can. The tears welled up, threatening to spill down my cheeks as I reminisced about the good times we shared together.</p><p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_gakshgHk9IuZNq7UEurEwVARSheu6Ry4flN3AxhggmejweiPuM9EwNKheR2nsA19hHjzc4xfplnWssljwBuYuOLQm-olQVClwciZncFZPlsSIG9KZxAjE91RLTWyUno1lwVDGU0FPA8_mhmfRhcaakqZM6f_P_dj_K-oNRiV8FMKXKPSTI6Quk03kJ8/s320/IMG_4689.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_gakshgHk9IuZNq7UEurEwVARSheu6Ry4flN3AxhggmejweiPuM9EwNKheR2nsA19hHjzc4xfplnWssljwBuYuOLQm-olQVClwciZncFZPlsSIG9KZxAjE91RLTWyUno1lwVDGU0FPA8_mhmfRhcaakqZM6f_P_dj_K-oNRiV8FMKXKPSTI6Quk03kJ8/w200-h150/IMG_4689.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table>He was there for the intimate date nights when my wife and I married. He served us well when we added to our family a sweet baby boy. He performed phenomenally for family functions throughout the years, as well as welcoming wonders for neighbors, old and new.</p><p>His loyalty never wavered as he created crescendos of wavy, wondrous noodles, enveloped in cheese, sauce, spices and sometimes beef.</p><p>Sadly, he met his demise today in the kitchen sink. His life literally came to a crashing end due to my slippery, sardonic hands. I dropped him. </p><p>And now, the only lasagne pan I have ever known, slipped from my life and will be forever missed.</p><p>Goodbye old friend!</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-20714625951501145852023-07-25T23:06:00.000-04:002023-07-25T23:06:12.502-04:00Wherefore Art Thou, Cold Stone Creamery?<p>Some years back, a ray of hope came into my life in the form of a Cold Stone Creamery in my town. I saw the words of this amazing institution emblazoned upon the side of the building, glistening for all to see and drool.</p><p>Oh how I dreamed of those fluffy, ice creamy concoctions! The masterful way they flop ice cream upon the mixing table and blend it with their selection of healthy add-ins such as chocolate, Butterfinger bars, Oreo cookies, peanut butter, butterscotch, and so on. They also had 'healthier' options such as fruits, nuts, berries, and granola, but I digress.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyIVo0wX295fottnXz6VA76u9uwYtedT44kVuUW9m7A9XoWvwaM3MFvDXC7r-jnQ-kKtfH8G75ri0bhMTj0t6fHD300BZ_mT6lXWR-odvDVEnnzrNFrNFCec-TN0IXhK87O-2ASUHqaNSzPhMIhDi3eFYulNY1_lzYsKEh0rj0sWFxjif176q-i9LMzkw/s860/IMG_4575.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="860" data-original-width="646" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyIVo0wX295fottnXz6VA76u9uwYtedT44kVuUW9m7A9XoWvwaM3MFvDXC7r-jnQ-kKtfH8G75ri0bhMTj0t6fHD300BZ_mT6lXWR-odvDVEnnzrNFrNFCec-TN0IXhK87O-2ASUHqaNSzPhMIhDi3eFYulNY1_lzYsKEh0rj0sWFxjif176q-i9LMzkw/w150-h200/IMG_4575.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>A problem occurred soon after the sign went up. The problem, known officially as the COVID-19 pandemic, caused any construction or production of CSC, as I sometimes call it, to cease.<p></p><p>The pandemic broke my heart. I was determined, however, to be patient and told my wife that CSC would come through for me. Just wait and see.</p><div style="text-align: left;">The spring following that rough pandemic ushered in cardboard over the insides of the windows. <br />"It's coming," I excitedly told my wife. "They put cardboard up to spare us the torture of seeing it slowly put together piece by piece!"<br />"Don't get your hopes up," she said, a bit too late. "That's not a good sign"</div><p>Her prediction proved accurate.</p><p>That cruel cardboard stayed firmly put throughout that summer and following fall and winter. Another spring, summer, fall, and winter came and went, leaving bitter disappointment in my mouth instead of a cold, sweet, heavenly treat.</p><p>And then the cardboard came down. I believe it was this past spring.</p><div style="text-align: left;">"Honey," I yelled. "It's coming! It's coming! CSC is finally coming!"<br />"Really," she asked. "How do you know?"<br />"Because the cardboard finally came down! That means someone MUST be in there doing something to save us from a life devoid of CSC!"<br />"Ehhhh... That's the problem with tape. It doesn't stick but for so long."<br />"How can you be so cold and heartless?! The Great Pumpkin... I mean CSC will appear! You just have to believe! Really!"</div><p>As of today, Tuesday, July 25, 2023, I'm petitioning the city council to eradicate the offending name off the front of that empty building on North Main Street.</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-37343876945021502742023-06-28T23:50:00.001-04:002023-07-26T20:57:02.937-04:00Big Butt? Or Bad Jeans?<div style="text-align: left;"></div><div>A first grade teacher suffered a wardrobe malfunction of epic proportions in a second grade classroom earlier today in a North Carolina school. Mr. Haworth, the first grade teacher, split his britches.</div><div><br /></div><div>A keen eyed second grade teacher, Mrs. Haworth, was victimized when she spotted the offending posterior approximately seven feet in the air at the back wall of her classroom. Apparently, Mr. Haworth had been tasked with the job of hanging several dozen pictures upon the wall.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>As of this writing, Mrs. Haworth is recovering from the shock by resting comfortably in a cool, dark room. Though visibly shaken, she seems to have suffered no long term damage and is not responding to further questions.</div><p>Mr. Haworth, however, seems to be suffering from a mental breakdown of sorts from the denim failure fiasco.</p><p>"I don't know how long they've been like that," Mr. Haworth told Fuzzy, Black Dogs (FBD). "I thought Mrs. Haworth was getting frisky talking about my back side. Then she upped and just walked out of the room.</p><p>"Once I discovered the hole, I said to myself, 'it just doesn't get any worse than this'. It got worse... There was a SECOND hole nearly as big as the first! To make a bad situation worse, Mr. Sir Mix-A-Lot started singing in my head...</p><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgije7Vx1rIsIZprZK2Zfmez5I0_NvLeNlHm6rYxvYrKXPvA_we66553-fS8eez6x7d0JrLHhkW2Q9DgjDiSW25l6TV6TdxwhOHgU1yk24tyVGepmeww_mFYR-3Ax3kj5b0mYRZYlwWwflRvEziX7H6sLgJ2hggx54D9nc8j5IFSn4DfwwoSe2IYhz-AII/s1280/IMG_20230628_211035.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgije7Vx1rIsIZprZK2Zfmez5I0_NvLeNlHm6rYxvYrKXPvA_we66553-fS8eez6x7d0JrLHhkW2Q9DgjDiSW25l6TV6TdxwhOHgU1yk24tyVGepmeww_mFYR-3Ax3kj5b0mYRZYlwWwflRvEziX7H6sLgJ2hggx54D9nc8j5IFSn4DfwwoSe2IYhz-AII/w154-h113/IMG_20230628_211035.jpg" width="154" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Note the royal blue spots<br />which are NOT part<br />of the jeans!</span></td></tr></tbody></table>"Oh, my, God, Becky. Look at his butt.<br />It's just so out there. I mean, really.<br />It's fallen out of his pants! Gross!<br />I mean it's scary looking! Aaacckk!</div><div><br /></div><div>"I don't like that butt and I cannot lie!<br />I think your butt's scarred my eyes...</div><p>"There was more. That was a bit too much for me."</p><p>Our research team at FBD was unable to determine the time the infraction occurred. Between the luncheon restaurant, the small bit of staff at the school, and those at the grocery, approximately 35-40 people have potentially been exposed to this moving visual violation.</p><p>"Everybody today has been really super nice to me," Mr. Haworth said. "Until I discovered the holes, I had a really good day."</p><p>Here at FBD, we've been told the offending jeans have been properly disposed and replaced, and things have returned to normal.</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-36103293020904652212023-06-24T10:05:00.000-04:002023-06-24T10:05:18.655-04:00First Grade Gems of Wisdom<p>Yet another school year has come and gone. Another batch of first graders. Another year of surprises and life lessons. Here are a few new gems of wisdom I've gleamed from the past school year...</p><p>Anything can be licked. The usual suspects of fingers, hands, and arms apply, but we've added more this year. Add to that list desks, iPads, chairs, pencils, erasers, and windows. First graders, as a whole, clearly don't have discriminating taste.</p><p>I discovered that you can prevent pencil chewing by hand sanitizing the pencils. Trust me, I know.</p><div style="text-align: left;">First graders, as a whole, are very quick to pick up on... things, in general. <br />FG: Mr. Haworth! Wanna see a spider I just found?<br />Me: I'm... busy. But feel free to kill it if you'd like.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">First graders are also an observant bunch.</div><div style="text-align: left;">FG: You have a butthole, Mr. Haworth!</div><div style="text-align: left;">Me: Why, yes, Ethel Gray. I certainly do.</div><div style="text-align: left;">FG: I can see it, Mr. Haworth!</div><div style="text-align: left;">Me: Wait... What?!</div><p>Cubbies cause pow wows. I'm thinking that next year, I may get rid of the cubbies and just install wall hooks for backpacks and coats. But if I do, I won't be able to eavesdrop on some stellar first grade gossip.</p><div style="text-align: left;">If you give one kid a piece of gum, they all want gum. That's a given. However, this year, if you punish one student, other students want to be punished too.<br />FG: You sent DeeDee to her desk! Why didn't you send me to my desk?!</div><div style="text-align: left;">Me: What? Um... Sure, Edward. Go to your desk. Now.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">There is a direct correlation between the Bermuda Triangle and first grade classroom cubbies.<br />Me: Where is your lunchbox? I asked you to get it.<br />FG: It was in my cubby, but I can't find it.<br />Me: Go look again. Anne! Where is your lunch card?<br />FG: I set it in my cubby, Mr. Haworth.<br />Me: So get it, please.<br />FG: Um... It's not there Mr. Haworth. It's missing. Really!</div><p style="text-align: left;">Looks like the cubbies are out of here! How do I sell this idea to my principal?</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-18616392567576130152023-06-16T13:39:00.005-04:002023-06-16T13:39:51.820-04:00The Three Week Pile Diet<p>Summer is quickly approaching and I just finished trying on all my shorts. Sadly, some of them did not make the cut due to winter storage shrinkage.</p><p>I stacked all the offending shorts together, placed them in an obvious place where I'll see them, and, in the process, inspired myself to come up with a brand new diet, aptly named The Three Week Diet.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlHXsp20-vyUY_8troj7As4a5PwO7y-WlD5RScxGrvkN8DJ8BzZ3sQR39-Du8y7cQvLHSuNRo5o6KBqEWm7ZXKO-dgJiexYgfmcwFmxmg5OtPnyF40tBjXwbvedN-u94vU2DUmZvjlH3yCOdVD54tTunu76VV6JjHPhx4MxPdGMqdlh2m9XLBVJSb1/s1280/IMG_20230616_132135.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="109" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlHXsp20-vyUY_8troj7As4a5PwO7y-WlD5RScxGrvkN8DJ8BzZ3sQR39-Du8y7cQvLHSuNRo5o6KBqEWm7ZXKO-dgJiexYgfmcwFmxmg5OtPnyF40tBjXwbvedN-u94vU2DUmZvjlH3yCOdVD54tTunu76VV6JjHPhx4MxPdGMqdlh2m9XLBVJSb1/w192-h109/IMG_20230616_132135.jpg" width="192" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Winter storage shrinkage...<br />It's real!</span></td></tr></tbody></table>The simplicity of the plan is astonishing! In fact, it's so simple, it's sure to work.</p><p>Not only have I stacked them in an obvious place, but I've taken a picture of the pile, too. That way, I can make duplicates and place them by the cupboard, refrigerator, and other key places where food is kept. But not the secret chocolate stash. It's currently empty.</p><p>The premise behind the diet is that each time I go to get food, I have to ask myself "Will this help me get into those amazing shrinking shorts in three weeks time?"</p><p>As I think the plan out, I realize that I may need the picture taped to the dashboard of my car as well. That should be a reminder to NOT purchase the cream horns at the grocery store. Maybe a mobile picture, too. It would be placed on the grocery cart handle. A full pack of four cream horns only has a little less than 1,300 calories.</p><p>The mobile picture (and dashboard picture) will help as I go through fast food drive-throughs, the Hawia'an Ice Stand, the gas station candy section, the checkout section at the tackle store, the doughnut store around the corner from me, my favorite milkshake location... Well, you get the idea.</p><p>An update will be posted in three weeks time. It will include my progress, any tips or addendums to the diet plan, and any helpful observations I have made along the way.</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-63557434773967754642022-11-27T08:41:00.001-05:002022-11-27T08:41:21.723-05:00Project Christmas: Phase 1In my household, the holiday season is fraught with memories. They run the gamut from magical to disastrous, satisfying to downright frightening. We may touch on some of these different memories as I fill you in on the different phases of Christmas in my household.<div><br /></div><div>Approximately 19 years ago, when my son was about five year old, we had a decidedly unhappy Christmas and I, for one, was ready to put it behind me. I started taking down the words "Happy Holidays" when my son put in his two cents worth.<div><br /></div><div>"Why do we have to be happy just for the holidays," he asked. "Can't we be happy all year long? Please leave the happy up. I think we need it." As per my son's unrelenting logic, my wife and I decided that "Happy" would remain in place year long. "Holidays" comes out to join its counterpart only during the Christmas season.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for the fluffing of the Christmas tree, this year I'm treating it like a job. I haven't told my wife, but I expect to be paid for my acquiescence, or rather lack of whining, complaining, and excuses I come up with as to why I can't, or shouldn't, haul the tree from the deep recesses of the basement to its spot in the house.</div><div><br /></div><div>Right now, the "Happy" and "Holidays" have joined in holy matrimony. Through no small effort of my own, the tree is in place, fluffed and ready for the lights to be strung.</div><div><br /></div><div>So far, my wife has given me no attention, no advice, no constructive criticism, no hard glares, no bribes, and no words of encouragement. This year may turn out to be one of the best Christmas seasons yet!</div><div><br /></div><div>As of this writing, I'm moving on to Phase 2 - the Lighting of the Tree.</div></div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-76672070516455659722022-09-17T09:16:00.002-04:002022-09-17T09:16:57.211-04:00Slowing Pace Sparks Creativity<p>Roxy, my dog, and I have been downgraded. It seems the veterinarian, my real physician and my doctor/wife all concur that I need to cut back from running to walking.</p><p>What brought this about? I hurt my knee. As in, running was becoming extremely uncomfortable and painful. Some popping and grinding seem to be emanating from Roxy's hips and back legs. So, for now, we've slowed down.</p><p>One effect of this transition is that we are noticing a lot more around us. To date, we've seen chipmunks, bunnies (14 in one morning is our personal best), hawks, cats, a plethora of squirrels and birds, and a fox. We smelled<span> a skunk once, but, sadly, did not see it.</span></p><p>Regardless, the slowing of our forward momentum has sparked some interesting creativity in me. Good or bad, I'm really not sure. I'll let you be the judge of that.</p><p>Here's part of my walk inspired song. For reference purpose, it's sung to the tune of George Thorogood's tune, "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One beer."</p><div style="text-align: left;"><span> One bunny, one chipmunk, one hawk.<br /></span><span><span> Ya know we ain't seen our animal friends since yesterday</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span> I wonder what they do when we go away</span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span> But every morning when we take our walk</span><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span><span> We see one bunny, one chipmunk, one hawk!</span><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span><span><span> One bunny. One chipmunk. And one hawk...</span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span><span><span>I'll keep you posted of any further creative musings sparked by our morning walks!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-36598168575924563492022-09-03T14:25:00.000-04:002022-09-03T14:25:31.419-04:00Dessert Difficulties Simplified<p> Around my house, we take food seriously.</p><p>We formulate menus for the week. We strategize and plan our grocery lists meticulously. I proofread both for any misspellings or other unwanted grammatical mistakes or food items. And our grocery trips? Carried out with the surgical precision of a US Navy S.E.A.L. team strike.</p><p>The one area we tend to falter over is dessert. Dessert is... Well, it's difficult, to put a word to it.</p><p>We have certain parameters that our desserts have to follow. I don't eat tree nuts, so that rules out anything with pecans, walnuts, pistachios and the like. My wife is gluten sensitive, so it also has to be gluten free. Her father can't eat it if it doesn't contain raisins. Not really. I just made that up.</p><p>Needless to say, I tend to make approximately 98.3 percent of the desserts we consume. The other 1.7 percent of the time, we are purchasing something that potentially all three of us can consume AND will like.</p><p>I love root beer and and root beer flavored stuff, like Oreo cookies, for example. My two home companions (the dog excluded), do not. The two humans I cohabitate with like fruits and things on and in their desserts.</p><p>The fact of the matter is that if it can be misconstrued as healthy, it ain't dessert!</p><p>So what do my wife and I do when faced with just such a dessert dilemma while grocery shopping?</p><p>Never fear! For all those with dessert woes, I have come up with a failproof system.</p><p>Now when faced with this previously dire situation, my wife and I channel our amazing S.E.A.L. team skills and fall back on what works:</p><p>When in doubt, chocolate out.</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-60371109950774831252022-07-06T21:21:00.020-04:002022-07-06T21:52:49.501-04:00New Dog on the Blog<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>One hummingbird, one chipmunk, and one bunny was today's count. Always keeps a running tally of what we see. Don't know why. Just weird.<p></p><p>Except the squirrels. Never counts the squirrels. Perhaps he can't count that high. Whole lot of squirrels out there. They're evil. Evil squirrels. I bark at every one that I see. Every. Single. One. Hey, it's my job.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7AhIwajcxsYfrVInWvXYsfrvhaOHXbsocuK6Owl3b3TjYu99Q00DAi1w-QdVVvo308bkGzMyZ7mEZ8xqwDdqz5QKUv-SpB20J_NTk4P1EqHjQs4yXBTy0g_X7eR8dZM5rmltYZ-Vejx9aTEdmG5T2QC4UG7PGS3nI4gtybBE0jFw2ci191E3T8LN/s539/Screen%20Shot%202022-07-06%20at%209.42.38%20PM.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="539" data-original-width="351" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7AhIwajcxsYfrVInWvXYsfrvhaOHXbsocuK6Owl3b3TjYu99Q00DAi1w-QdVVvo308bkGzMyZ7mEZ8xqwDdqz5QKUv-SpB20J_NTk4P1EqHjQs4yXBTy0g_X7eR8dZM5rmltYZ-Vejx9aTEdmG5T2QC4UG7PGS3nI4gtybBE0jFw2ci191E3T8LN/w130-h200/Screen%20Shot%202022-07-06%20at%209.42.38%20PM.png" width="130" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roxy, the<br />Pomeranian</td></tr></tbody></table>About five days ago, he counted 13 bunnies. Hey, he said, that's our PB as per our usual 2.5 mile jaunt. I wasn't sure if he was communicating or just stringing meaningless syllables together!<p></p><p>It's his job to walk me. I expect two walks every day -- a long morning and short evening walk. He fell down on the job yesterday. Refused the evening walk. Lazy bum said, it's raining. Whatever.</p><p>Talks nonstop to me during walks. When he's not counting bunnies, chipmunks, hawks, and hummingbirds. Talks about trucks. Talks about cars. Oh, hey, chipmunk number three! Talks about flowers. Talks about yards, distance, time, temperature.</p><p>Just don't get him started talking to neighbors! When he swipes or taps the thing on his arm, it's gonna be a long talk. Next time I have to wait like that, might give that exposed ankle a nip. No talk, just walk.</p><p>Tune most of it out. Listening for Good Job, Roxy, Good Girl, Roxy, and Proud of my Roxy Girl. He sometimes mentions treats. That usually gets my full attention.</p><p>Since he hasn't formally introduced me, I'm Roxy. The new fuzzy, blonde dog. The runner chick, he calls me. Ask me how much I hate that joke. Ask me.</p><p>Y'all might hear from me from time to time, when I can get a word in edgewise. </p><p>Remember, always take time to smell the poo. </p><br />phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-11021790808479213212022-07-05T10:40:00.002-04:002022-07-06T21:45:14.957-04:00Power Washer Ruins July 4th Fun<p>It started with the appearance of a most compact, simple device. And, yes, it has a name. It's called a power washer. Specifically, it's called a Greenworks Electric Pressure Washer. </p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjbD4v1LltE7XQqI34rRF58HJRseKACpO3vRwaMRZUp9GtLBZWyUNLNiZIO-3mCnsinoGp43jU3_6tAGSh8tr2e6GurSFjHOvnaZWpepFlGHAOA_4WkQQ-m36cyojupHKl8yzqz9prMT_wUkRj7gbiysR2dq07CDaRV-7V75O38LdBbRS1tuWvQw-0p" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2475" data-original-width="3585" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjbD4v1LltE7XQqI34rRF58HJRseKACpO3vRwaMRZUp9GtLBZWyUNLNiZIO-3mCnsinoGp43jU3_6tAGSh8tr2e6GurSFjHOvnaZWpepFlGHAOA_4WkQQ-m36cyojupHKl8yzqz9prMT_wUkRj7gbiysR2dq07CDaRV-7V75O38LdBbRS1tuWvQw-0p=w200-h138" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actual photographic evidence<br />of the offending item.</td></tr></tbody></table>I didn't purchase this pressure washer. If memory serves me correctly, this mechanical monstrosity came to me via my son. Having said that, it's possible that I did in fact purchase the pressure washer.<p></p><p>How does it work? I have no idea. What I do know is that it takes a small stream of water (from a garden hose, of course) and magically transforms it into a torrential, intense jet of water capable of stripping dirt and gunk from wood, bark from trees, paint from cars and fur from dogs and cats. The warning diagram on the paperwork shows a severed finger! Yikes!</p><p>I'm merely conjecturing. No dogs or cats have been harmed for the express purpose of this blogpost.</p><p>The warnings in the paperwork failed to mention other harmful side effects one may encounter by using this product. "This product may ruin vacations" was not listed as a danger.</p><p>I went to my parents quaint lake house for the Fourth of July. My plans included a few beers and a lot of fishing. My mother's plans, however, veered off in different direction.</p><p>"Why don't you bring your power washer," she suggested. She and my father thought it might be nice to clean up the boat dock "a little bit."</p><p>Like the good son I am, I pressure washed the dock. I was ready to settle into some beers and some serious fishing.</p><div style="text-align: left;">"You didn't do the steps," mom said.<br />"You didn't ask me to do the steps," I replied.<br />"The dock looks so good, it'd be a shame to not do the steps," she replied.<br />"Okay," I said. "The steps. Check. Then I'm relaxing and enjoying myself."</div><p>Approximately 3,200 steps, 4.5 miles of brick walkway, and 6,900 square feet of decking later, I finally managed to sit down with a beer in hand to relax and enjoy the Fourth.</p><p>I woke up some time later with an unopened beer in my hand.</p><p>"Hey hon," my wife said. "You get a good nap? You slept through the fireworks."</p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-16749104250824066952022-06-24T17:04:00.000-04:002022-06-24T17:04:55.751-04:00GPS vs. Men vs. WomenGlobal Positioning Systems sometime make mistakes. Men, also, make mistakes sometimes. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that women can make mistakes as well.<div><br /></div><div>Please note the operative word "can." This is not to say that women make more or less mistakes than men or GPS units, or that they even make mistakes at all when it comes to driving and directions.</div><div><br /></div><div>My wife and I were driving in the NC mountains recently. We absolutely love to incorporate the Blue Ridge Parkway into our driving route when we are in the mountains. As per our usual routine, I controlled the vehicle via the steering mechanism, but only under the careful eye of my wife.</div><div><br /></div><div>"That car is braking in front of you," she likes to tell me. Often.</div><div>"What car?" is my usual reply. Have I ever mentioned how much she likes my humor?</div><div><br /></div><div>Regardless, there were some detours off and back onto the Blue Ridge Parkway this past Thursday. The detour routes were not clearly marked. This, of course, led to some discussion at nearly every intersection.</div><div><br /></div><div>GPS: Take a right at the next stop sign.</div><div>Me: There's no detour sign. No arrow. The Parkway is on the right. We should go straight.</div><div>Wife: Go left.</div><div><br /></div><div>We went left. The GPS chimed in as we approached our next unmarked intersection.</div><div><br /></div><div>GPS: Go straight at the next stoplight.</div><div>Me: That probably makes sense. We'll go straight.</div><div>Wife: Go right.</div><div><br /></div><div>I told her I think she sent us in the wrong direction. I suggested we turn around and just pop back on to the Parkway. She quietly noted my expert opinion on the matter. </div><div><br /></div><div>As we rounded the next corner, a giant orange with black lettering sign, replete with an arrow, directed us back to the Blue Ridge Parkway.</div><div><br /></div><div>I turned to her. I desperately wanted to ask, but remained mute.</div><div><br /></div><div>"You're welcome," she said. "Was just a hunch. Now keep your eyes on the road."</div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-84173385349408095142022-01-22T14:00:00.001-05:002022-01-22T14:02:16.994-05:00Relationship Revelations<p>I had a most startling revelation this morning. Living with me may sometimes be problematic, so to speak.</p><p>My wife and I were looking through "Milk Street," one of my absolute favorite cooking magazines. This, in and of itself, was a minor miracle. Apparently, "Oooh! That looks good," becomes somewhat annoying after the first three recipes in the magazine.</p><p>So, in a nutshell, here's how our morning went. It started with a sharp intake of air.</p><div style="text-align: left;">Her: They all look good. Don't even say it.<br />Me: I wasn't going to say anything. Really. A thought just popped in my head. That's all.<br />Her: Mmm hmm. This Stir Fry Pork with Sweet Peppers and Peanuts looks really good.<br />Me: We have peanuts! (We always have peanuts, but that's another story.)<br />Her: Do we have pork?<br />Me: Well... Ummm... No.<br />Her: Do we have scallions?<br />Me: If we do, they're dead and gone by now!<br />Her: Do we have chili-garlic sauce?<br />Me: What's that?<br />Her: But we have peanuts.<br />Me: Oh yes! Most definitely!<br />Her: Can we make the recipe?<br />Me: Ummm... Well... No. I suppose not.</div><p>She mumbled something about thank God for peanuts and seemed to question my sanity.</p><p>So here's the question. Do I try to adjust my less than stellar habits, or do I address her lack of tolerance for said habits?</p><p>Let's just chalk that question up as rhetoric for now. </p><p><br /></p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-45934912667784491422021-12-20T22:04:00.002-05:002021-12-20T22:07:21.712-05:00How the Haworth Found Christmas<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">It seems I'm back at it. You know, rewriting classic stories. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, this time, I thought I would have yet another go at another Dr. Seuss classic, <u>How the Grinch Stole Christmas</u>. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why, you might be asking. One, because I can. Two, because it's fun. And, three, it seemed like a great idea to couple it with my first grade students' artwork and showcase it with our crazy door design for the classroom door contest!</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, without any further adieu, I present to you <u>How the Haworth Found Christmas</u>.</span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Every Charles England student<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">liked Christmas a lot!<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the Haworth, who taught there<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">in first grade, did NOT!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><span id="docs-internal-guid-f8ea2491-7fff-9691-635b-dc5b851a360b"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Haworth despised Christmas</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">for no discernible reason.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And not just Christmas Day,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but the whole darn season!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one knows why </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he hated Christmas so much.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rumors abounded about</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">no fishing, and such.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While that may be possible,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the real reason might be</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that Mister Haworth’s heart</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">was too small! Yes sirree!!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whatever the reason,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">his heart or the trout,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">old Haworth grumbled at</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the students all about</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">who went about their days</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with smiles on their faces,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">dreaming of holiday break</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and happier places.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For he knew every student</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">in his room AND in the school</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">were crazy excited</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">like insane little fools!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And they’re ignoring mathematics,”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he mumbly grumbled,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“and reading, writing and science,”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he grumbly mumbled!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He tapped on his teacher desk,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a staccato song in his ear.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I MUST stop Christmas</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">from making it’s way here!”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For, next week, he knew…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All the Charles England kids</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">would come in to his class</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">begging to see Christmas vids!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And they’d run. And they’d play.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And they’d play, play, play, play!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And they’d get so full of candy,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">they’d be horrible all day!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then the kids, first through fifth,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">would refuse to sit down,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and they’d hustle and bustle</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and keep moving around!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And THEN they’d do something</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that made Haworth quite crazy.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They’d all go beserk</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">as they’re brains became hazy!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Any manners they had</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">would all fly away.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one would know where</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">they’d disappear to that day.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And they’d talk! And they’d talk!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And they’d TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Something Haworth liked the least - </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all the TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Haworth stewed and he thought,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Gotta stop the entire thing!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m 53 years old!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can’t wait until Spring!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then Haworth had a thought.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A light bulb went off!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He had an idea</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">how to pull this whole thing off!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Field Trip!” he yelled.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Students scrambled and scurried.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He watched as they hustled</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and bustled and hurried</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to all get lined up</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to get on the buses,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">while other teachers watched,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wondering what all the fuss is.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As the last student loaded on</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and the door was closed tight,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">each bus cranked up</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">for an epic filled flight.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Be ready for a field trip</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of epic proportions!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A solid two weeks of</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">educational absorption!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The vehicle turned right</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and the engine started to pull.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A small voice called out</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">while still in sight of the school.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mr. Haworth,” she cried out,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I DO like to learn…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I prefer math</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">on MobyMax, IXL and Zearn.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’d like to go back,”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">said Carter McNook.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I just want to</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">get lost deep inside a good book!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Haworth just stopped.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stopped dead in his tracks.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unable to go forward and</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">unwilling to turn back.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We need our classrooms</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“and teachers, Mr. Haworth, please!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Can we go back now?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Please, Mr. Haworth. Please!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These children wanted to learn!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why, they hadn’t lost their manners!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In fact, they begged Mr. Haworth</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to help them find answers!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been said in that bus</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">on that fateful day,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that Mr. Haworth finally</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">discovered his way</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">back to the reason</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he first started to teach -</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to help all those children</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">who needed someone to reach</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">out to them. Someone</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to tell them they matter,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to say “It’s really okay,”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">when they anxiously chatter.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So they turned the bus round</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and headed back to the school.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But Mr. Haworth yelled out,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I have but one great big rule!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“As you go back</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“to your classrooms today,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“enjoy yourselves! Have fun learning!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s simply the best way!”</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-1930680117320124692021-05-01T23:00:00.001-04:002021-05-01T23:00:00.273-04:00Brethren Bunny<p>Once upon a time, I used to write quite a bit of poetry. I'm not sure what happened, but at some point, I just stopped.</p><p>I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately. It seems to be nagging at me. Every now and then, a line pops into my head, just begging to be written down and fleshed out... a fledgling poem hoping, waiting, dreaming of seeing the light of day.</p><p>This poem has been badgering me for quite some time. It's based on a true story. It took three psychotic rabbits chasing each other for what seemed like an eternity earlier today to shake it out of my brain.</p><p>Needless to say, you might start seeing more of my poetry here on my blog. I hope you like it and, if not, at least find it entertaining.</p><p>It's titled (not entitled! Too many people misuse that term!), simply, "Brethren Bunny."</p><p><br /></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>It struggled and squirmed</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>breathing heavily</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>determined to escape, to flee from me</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>though hopelessly entangled</p></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p> in a trap of a viny vinca garden.</p></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>Quickly and carefully</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>my fisherman fingers freeing it</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>untangling the mighty mess of vines</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p> and watching</p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> waiting</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> bewildered</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span>as it stumbled slowly toward me</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span> unnaturally unafraid.</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span>It sought me out</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span>stopping by my side and</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span>sighed its final breath</span></span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span><span>beside kindred brethren.</span></span></p></blockquote></blockquote>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-61467121598535600972020-12-24T09:45:00.008-05:002020-12-24T09:56:38.832-05:00'Twas the Day Before Break<div style="text-align: center;">'Twas the day before break</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And all through the classrooms</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The teachers were stressing</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">In Meets, Canvas and Zooms.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">For you see the pandemic</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Created an academic mess.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">It seems virtual education</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Is an absolute stress!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Some children were nestled</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Snuggled up in their beds,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">While others played, cartwheeled,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Or stood on their heads.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Each teacher in their own</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Little space they called work,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Developing lesson plans,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Spasms, and jerks...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Plans that would guide,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Hopefully teach and engage</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Knowledge-hungry students,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">No matter their age.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">As the slide Window opened</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A loud noise pierced my ear.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Someone's dog barked shrilly</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">When the Fed-Ex man appeared.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Then the light of heaven</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Shown bright in my eyes...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Oh, Johnny's cam was pointed</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Up into sunny, bright skies.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Then, wonder of wonder,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But who should appear?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">It was Clive, my student</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't seen all year!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I dashed to my Powerschool</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Roster super quick</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And nimbly marked him</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">'Present,' clickety click!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">More rapid than meerkats,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">In a blink he was gone!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I asked my friends, "Did YOU</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Guys see Clive? Was he on?"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Well Johnny? Well Judy?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Help me Buddy! Help Masie!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I just saw him right there!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I know I'm not crazy!"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">At the top of the screen</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Clive showed up again,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Unmuted and screaming</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">At his big brother Ben.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Mute yourself please!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We've a lesson to learn!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Addends are important...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">WATCH OUT FOR THAT...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Fern."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I attempted my lesson</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And started anew,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But Clive stole the show.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We all knew it was true.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And then in a twinkling,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I came up with a plan.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Math Scavenger Hunt!"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I yelled. "Ann, get one can!"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Bob find two books.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And Judy, three clothes.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Buddy, four pencils.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Now Suzy, five gift bows."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"And Clive, this is most</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Important of all...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Go find six puppies,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But they have to be small."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Clive turned and he dashed.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">His camera went dark.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Mr. Haworth," I said</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">To myself, "you're too smart!"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The online room became calm.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The students' voices abated.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I could finally impart</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Some knowledge while we waited</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">On Clive to appear</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">With his impossible task.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not sure how I did it,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But I knew just what to ask.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I restarted my lesson.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We began on number three...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Seven plus nine,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Plus blank equals twenty.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I reached for a book</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And as I turned around,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I heard the bang of a door</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And some whining sound.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A camera flicked on</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And, well, there stood Clive</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Holding a large box</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Filled with something... alive?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">He spoke not a word.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">He opened the box.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Out jumped puppy</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Number one like a fox!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">As five more spilled out,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My students went crazy,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Including the littlest and</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Shyest of all -- dear Maisie!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">With my head in my hands</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I gave a low whistle.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Away went my plans</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Like the down of a thistle.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">As I closed my eyes</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And took a deep breath,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I heard, "Who's that new kid?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Her name's Elsabeth!"*</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">*(Special note for my non-teacher friends: When we get observed in virtual classrooms, our assistant principals, principals, superintendents, or whoever is evaluating our performance 'show up,' they simply appear as a name on the screen.) </div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-6021666369416133762020-10-18T20:26:00.004-04:002020-10-24T21:39:53.546-04:00Presto! Instant Fireplace Renovations<p></p>Pop pop ordered an insert for the fireplace. Most of the time, upgrades to the house fall under one category -- me. <p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;">Pop pop, as most of the grandkids call my father-in-law, told me there was a package on the front porch for me. I noticed the front door still closed and locked and questioned how he knew this. Apparently, Amazon told him that it was there. Someone should shoot that Amazon photographic satellite down. How else would it know there was a box there!</div><p></p><p>Regardless, I struggled. I moaned. I strained. I groaned. And, ten minutes later, the box was in the house. It was but a mere 10 minutes more that I found something to cut the top open. All I had left was to drag the open box to the soon to be renovated fireplace.</p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAfmbiJBmfLaSjIKdGHh9M9A_yoTJzExflI8p_y1aQ-em6iBqT-FotQihebIvZ7DY5YFtwotKPb8wdaSNR_e1_EpKmU0qJx6DUmuRD2JbhZmeuIeRa6R4CfH8gDPDFxDuxiiPW7F_1Vfk/s2048/8FE6D85E-96DD-471B-8125-BF290FD8B3D2.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1591" data-original-width="2048" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAfmbiJBmfLaSjIKdGHh9M9A_yoTJzExflI8p_y1aQ-em6iBqT-FotQihebIvZ7DY5YFtwotKPb8wdaSNR_e1_EpKmU0qJx6DUmuRD2JbhZmeuIeRa6R4CfH8gDPDFxDuxiiPW7F_1Vfk/w200-h156/8FE6D85E-96DD-471B-8125-BF290FD8B3D2.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don’t let its minuscule size fool<br />you... It was a beast!<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Approximately 15 minutes and eight pages of instructions later (plus instructions hurled my direction by the spectators), I had the unit in place. Then, I simply plugged it in and pressed the "on" button on the handy-dandy remote control that came with it. Voila!<p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Somehow, the little electric heat box with its holographic flames I put in the fireplace seemed anticlimactic. It made me yearn for my childhood and the day my dad got a real wood stove for the fireplace.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of that stove brought back some fond memories of times I spent with my dad. It seems like we spent a lot of time together cutting wood and hauling it to the house to feed that stove. We had a lot of fun adventures.</p><p>Once, he stood behind the truck and then asked me to back it out. And then there was the underground bees nest. It seems I remember the axe head flying off once. Good thing I yelled "fore" like they do in golf. My dad could have been hurt! I even had to stand on the back of the truck once to help it get traction. That might actually be related to me backing the truck out. Hmmmm...</p><p>Once, I even remember him joking with me by saying "don't cut that tree down! Do you want it to land on the truck?"</p><p>While there are other fond memories I could regale upon my readers, there is something to be said for Pop pop's genius. One Amazon purchase plus one easy click of a button equals -- presto! Instafire! </p>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-77201845289576485612020-08-23T00:20:00.003-04:002020-10-14T21:10:43.070-04:00Fish Lies, Fact or Fiction?After watching innumerable videos on fly fishing and listening to twice as many podcasts on the same subject, it seems I grew up under a cloud of false beliefs and ignorance.<br />
<br />
According to a recent Orvis podcast, feeding lies, sheltering lies and prime lies refer to distinct areas where trout go to eat, to be protected and to be in an area that provides all the elements the fish needs to survive, respectively.<br />
<br />
These definitions are radically different from what I believed growing up.<br />
<br />
When I was younger, a feeding lie referred to the size of your fish. More accurately, it referred to the size you actually said it was. Hence the common phrase, "What's this mess you're feeding me," or some variation, which often followed such slightly altered statements of fish size.<br />
<br />
Sheltering lies, however, often have an element of truth to them. In general, they are are statements that can't quite be quantified.<br />
<br />
"That bass had the biggest attitude of any fish I ever caught," "that sunfish put a lot of heart into that fight," and "that was the biggest pumpkinseed I ever saw" are good examples of proper sheltering lies.<br />
<br />
Unlike the feeding and sheltering lies, the prime lie can take many different forms. Instead of going into an elaborate detailed description of a prime lie, allow me to give you an excellent example.<br />
<br />
I caught my first striped bass on a fly rod when I was a teenager. In fact, I caught it within the first two casts the first time I picked up a fly rod. At the time I had no clue as to what I was doing. I cast out a little weighted fly and stripped it back. Cast it out again and was stripping it back when the fish hit. I set the hook and struggled some, but managed to land it. I'd guess that it's about 14 or 15 pounds.<br />
<br />
What makes this a prime lie is that technically, it's all true. I was 17. It was my first time holding a fly rod. Cluelessness did indeed hold me in a firm grip. However, notice the verb tense change in the last sentence.<br />
<br />
When I caught the striper, it probably weighed in just over a pound. If the bass is still alive, though, it could very well be 14 or 15 pounds or more by now. Herein lies the quality element of the enigma that is the prime lie.<br />
<br />
Imagine my surprise at discovering all these years later that some disrespectful fisherman changed the meaning of my perfectly crafted fishing terminology! Despicable!phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-68627323152031044642020-08-09T00:21:00.002-04:002020-08-09T00:21:37.856-04:00Fish Identification 101I must confess to being deeply depressed. I squarely blame Tom Rosenbauer of Orvis for my depression. In short, Tom let me down.<div><br /></div><div>Allow me to share some background knowledge. Through this knowledge, I hope my readers come to understand my need for a personal apology from Tom for this severe oversight.</div><div><br /></div><div>My wife took me on a fly fishing sojourn recently in the mountains of North Carolina. Prior to this three day journey, I have been binge watching fishing videos on YouTube. Primarily, I've been watching the Orvis videos and concentrating on the ones with Tom Rosenbauer.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've even been binge listening to the Orvis podcasts with Tom. By the time my wife and I left for our trip, I had covered all of the 2014 podcasts and was well into 2015. I've been eagerly listening to each piece of advice Tom and his guests have shared with me. Heck, I've even taken notes on some!</div><div><br /></div><div>I carried all this new knowledge with me as I waded into the stream that flowed by my AirBnB. I looked the water up and down. I perused through my flies and asked myself, "Hmmm... What would Tom tell me?"</div><div><br /></div><div>A little black and white dry fly jumped into my fingers. I deftly tied it to my tippet with a firm Haworth Haphazard Overhead Hug knot. (Yes. I named the knot I invented after myself.) Within two casts I landed a little rainbow trout!</div><div><br /></div><div>Needless to say, I was absolutely elated! Tom and I exchanged imaginary hugs and high fives. He complimented my extraordinary fishing talent. I complimented his excellent tutelage.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, fast forward to day three and ten more fish later. I'm busy fly fishing my heart out, changing flies, changing tactics and changing locations, all the while looking for foam and casting to the seams. Three fish made a mockery of me by tugging my strike indicator under and letting go faster than a dog on a potato chip.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had all but given up when my line hung up. I paused and didn't move, not wanting to lose my hook to the very large rock or log on which it was stuck. That was the last straw. As I stood there, I realized my leader was moving sideways in the current.<br /><br /></div><div>"Monster fish on!" I mentally screamed and set the hook with all my strength. My line shot out of the water and sailed over my head like a warning shot fired from a cannon. I never even saw the 20 pound brown trout that took my hook.</div><div><br /></div><div>In all the videos and all the podcasts, never once did Tom tell me how to discern the difference between a large rock and a monster trout. This, I believe, is pertinent information that should be passed on to future fly fishing stars such as myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>Come to think of it, Robert Field of Field Trips didn't either! As soon as I finish drafting my letter to Tom, I may be firing one off to Rob, also.</div>phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-12025998377953487282020-05-26T20:43:00.000-04:002020-05-26T20:43:02.274-04:00Micro-Cut: the New Diet PlanI'm always looking for the newest, latest and greatest diet plan not only to maintain my weight, but to help shed the last few (dozen) pounds. Still trying to hit that goal weight!<br />
<br />
To date I've scrapped conventional diet plans like Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Keto-whatever, SlimFast and the like. All perfectly fine for some, but I'm busy working on my own amazing new diet program. It's called, simply, Micro-Cut: the New Diet Plan.<br />
<br />
I'm hard at work hammering out the details of what's certain to be the next big hit in dieting! Maybe I'll take my idea to Shark Tank. Or, perhaps, I'll bypass those silly number crunchers and take it straight to the public! Why share my millions with those guys?<br />
<br />
The premise behind Micro-Cut is simple. The smaller the serving, the fewer calories. So simple it's practically genius!<br />
<br />
Allow me to give you an example with a simple cake. A normal slice of that freshly made death by ultimate chocolate decadence cake would be approximately 2,374 calories. I don't know about you, but I would have to run two back to back marathons (Usain Bolt style) to work those calories off!<br />
<br />
However, with Micro-Cut, you only get a fraction of the calories of that same slice! All you need is an incredibly sharp knife in order to slice that razor thin piece known as the Micro-Cut. The best part is that you can have THREE Micro-Cut slices and retain that amazing figure.<br />
<br />
I can hear my scientifically-based doubters loud and clear -- if three Micro-Cuts equals one regular slice, then the calories still add up to the original number!<br />
<br />
However, if you take the length of the Micro-Cut, juxtapose it with the width, then divide it by the square root of Pi, round that to the nearest hundredth, then add that to the ounces of healthy sugar in the frosting on the actual cut and subtract that number from the number of Micro-Cuts taken, then divide the entire cake calories... Well, it's practically zero!<br />
<br />
As you can see, it's a win-win situation.<br />
<br />
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a new dessert to make! Au revoir!phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-57040008244209724352020-02-08T10:05:00.001-05:002020-02-08T10:05:10.061-05:00Warning! Getting Sick Equals Extreme WhiningGetting sick sucks. Colds, allergies, infections and especially the flu!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I love to eat, so when I'm not asleep, my brain constantly tells me 'Food, man! Home all day so we can eat all day! Yay!' Meanwhile, my stomach says, 'Sure, but it'll come right back up. What ya gonna do? You're choice.'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc0c366pLMD7to4eD2XLuo2l9w_XsL6j5umtGd01ALn5ZunvNLGQAL_7DFoHNB7BKOkV5UF4psX52NGrWCFtqLcpJ80tJL5FaDplAQ5zZo_0C7KaP7TBJ5T0ojJJfMjssBu47QxwKTtXU/s1600/swiss_army_knife.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="190" data-original-width="209" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc0c366pLMD7to4eD2XLuo2l9w_XsL6j5umtGd01ALn5ZunvNLGQAL_7DFoHNB7BKOkV5UF4psX52NGrWCFtqLcpJ80tJL5FaDplAQ5zZo_0C7KaP7TBJ5T0ojJJfMjssBu47QxwKTtXU/s200/swiss_army_knife.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank you Swiss Army Knife<br />
for saving the day!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
Other bodily functions don't work right, either.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Honey, where's that ibuprofen you got for me?"</div>
<div>
"You took it already."</div>
<div>
"No. I mean the ibuprofen you put in a separate container for me. In case I needed more?"</div>
<div>
"I didn't."</div>
<div>
"I distinctly remember you telling me you did. I saw you do it."</div>
<div>
"Mmm hmmm."</div>
<div>
"But..."</div>
<div>
"Quit your belly aching! I'm getting it!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And worst of all (besides not feeling well) is the medicine.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Let's start with the cost. Now I know for a fact that the manufacturing costs of a pill the size of a flea couldn't be $150. So where does all that money go? I have my ideas and all I'll say about that is that I would like a turn at the wheel of the Ferrari my money just helped pay for!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Then there is the dosage. Take two or three ibuprofen when needed, but six hours apart. Now take this pill after every loose movement, but don't exceed three in one day. This medicine will be one in the morning and afternoon, and two at dinner. This medicine, however, should only be taken in the morning, unless, of course, you're experiencing extreme discomfort.</div>
<div>
<br />
Again, bodily functions, like brain operations prevent me from remembering what pill does what and when to take what and where and why.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Finally there is the medicine itself. Pop pop picked it up for me. I got the medicine and looked at the box. I couldn't make heads or tails of it, so I took a nap.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Refreshed from my nap, I examined the box again. It's a box in a box. The inner box contains a flap with an arrow where I pull the inner one out. Except the inner box is stuck. Now I may be in a slightly weakened state, but I could not pull it out. Aha! Pliers!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now we're down to pushing the pill through a thin, aluminum-like membrane. Except it wasn't so thin. And the back was protected by more cardboard. After approximately 10 minutes of pushing, poking and swearing, I proceeded to get my pocket knife. That took care of it!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After finally taking my medicine, I was ready for another nap. Not only does getting sick suck, it's also extremely tiring.</div>
phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-56225356375382422692020-02-04T09:28:00.001-05:002020-02-04T09:28:54.190-05:00Why Is It, Elementary Edition<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I recently reread a piece written by the late, great Patrick McManus. Simply titled "Why Is It," the article is a list of 'why is its' geared toward the hunting and fishing crowd. Clearly Mr. McManus didn't teach second grade.<br />
<br />
So, borrowing the title, here is my second grade version of the same article.<br />
<br />
Why is it the loudest student in the classroom is the same student who doesn't like to be looked at?<br />
<br />
Why is it that, before a test when the teacher asks if anyone has any questions, no one does?<br />
<br />
Why is it that, after that same test has been passed out, half the classroom has questions?<br />
<br />
Why is it there is always at least one student who asks, "What am I supposed to do," after directions have been given?<br />
<br />
Why is it no kids have to use the restroom when asked?<br />
<br />
Why is it that five minutes after being asked, one student has to go the restroom?<br />
<br />
Why is it if one student suddenly has to go to the restroom, no less than five more have to go?<br />
<br />
Why is it all pencil leads break at the same time during a test/pop quiz/writing assignment?<br />
<br />
Why is it my pencil sharpener is louder than a full orchestra at maximum volume?<br />
<br />
Why is it my kids want to hug on me only when they're sick and shouldn't be at school?<br />
<br />
Why is it there are at least 72 ways to spell Alicia and they're all pronounced the same?<br />
<br />
Why is it the same five students ask all morning long is it time for lunch/recess yet?<br />
<br />
Why is it, after having two lessons on time (and there's a digital clock on the SMART Board), the same student constantly asks, "What time is it?"phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-2311450131698724472020-01-26T22:30:00.002-05:002020-01-26T22:30:14.331-05:00The Lure of FishingIt seems I have taken my trout fishing to a new level. I now have my very own padawan!<br />
<br />
For those of you unaware of my neuroses, not only am I an avid fly fisherman, but I am also a nerd of the highest level! Hence the above Star Wars reference. (Thank you George Lucas, and Disney too, now, I suppose.)<br />
<br />
My digression aside, I am eagerly training my brother-in-law (or Bil, for short) in the art of trout fishing with a fly rod. He told me he has a fly rod, but has not yet used it. He asked me to take him fishing.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0jSodQchQfs4gKYAvPRs1Mbqi8kaWh7VjFhwNib1ALudMbaCfadZdTVGMa5pGKHiKH8_qIG0YCptCfKwU7iCkcWxEZ588tV5FMvRPbFZwk0nBBxDESiB52gAHH3Q8ZVB8rYm_ps1zlI8/s1600/IMG_1890%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0jSodQchQfs4gKYAvPRs1Mbqi8kaWh7VjFhwNib1ALudMbaCfadZdTVGMa5pGKHiKH8_qIG0YCptCfKwU7iCkcWxEZ588tV5FMvRPbFZwk0nBBxDESiB52gAHH3Q8ZVB8rYm_ps1zlI8/s320/IMG_1890%255B1%255D.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not my secret spot, but a lovely, fishy-looking<br />spot, I think.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you add those two statements together, he practically begged me to take him under my wing and mold him into a jedi master! Whoops! I meant to say fly fisherman extraordinaire.<br />
<br />
My first assignment for my young padawan was to watch some very informative Orvis videos on fly fishing for the beginner. The second assignment was to meditate with his gear and a handful of river rocks scattered around his still form.<br />
<br />
If any of them levitate, I told him, he should tell me immediately. I still haven't managed that, yet, and I want (need) to know how it's done.<br />
<br />
Regardless, I have taken him with me for a few trips. I have regaled my immense knowledge on the subject of fish, fishing, lakes, streams, rivers, lures, lure presentation, weather conditions, the finicky nature of trout and life in general.<br />
<br />
He seems to concentrate best with his eyes closed. By the time we reach our destinations, he likes to tease me by acting as though he just woke up. I'm enjoying his sense of humor!<br />
<br />
Sadly, the poor, young lad has yet to land his first trout.<br />
<br />
Worry not, my dear readers! As soon as the weather starts to warm, I will be taking him to my secret trout spot I discovered last year.<br />
<br />
Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm off to meditate. During my last session, I think I saw one rock tremble.phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-1150472603357276142019-09-05T21:07:00.002-04:002019-09-05T21:07:21.952-04:00Missing Pet -- Goes by FangFang has died. I strongly suspect he met his demise. It is possible he lives on, but I doubt it and I certainly hope not.<br />
<br />
For those unaware, Fang is a spider. He just showed up outside my bathroom window one day. He was orange and black, mostly, with a largish body, multiple eyes and glistening fangs, hence the name.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghjbNBd0gH8pNhwc8yH7lyzAWqgQbT_O4_-N96smJdtky86l5rE0cDv77ol5AZ9v_FayPf6SaEVsikMgoRnVJt_tQPo9_XZ-S5BYpJ3Ri1rrrkQ3sp-CfToIQ20wx6JyEv1QihweX1IP0/s1600/big_spider.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="489" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghjbNBd0gH8pNhwc8yH7lyzAWqgQbT_O4_-N96smJdtky86l5rE0cDv77ol5AZ9v_FayPf6SaEVsikMgoRnVJt_tQPo9_XZ-S5BYpJ3Ri1rrrkQ3sp-CfToIQ20wx6JyEv1QihweX1IP0/s200/big_spider.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank you Party City for the reasonable<br />facsimile of the large spider outside my<br />bathroom window!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've recently adopted a 'live and let live' policy and have tried to stop killing pesky bugs. Spiders included. Needless to say, it took considerable restraint to not open the window and spray heavy duty bathroom cleaner on this morning intruder.<br />
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When he first appeared, I tried to name him Charlotte. I tried some other cutesy names, but it's a spider! None of them stuck. Then I tried Fang. Obviously it was male because the name Fang just worked.<br />
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I talked to him every morning. I warned him that he was getting too big for his britches. I told him there was a good chance a bird was going to come along and eat him. I told him he was much to brazen just hanging in the middle of his web like that in plain view.<br />
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We carried on this one sided relationship for the better part of a month. One day... Poof! He was gone.<br />
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I kept an eye out for Fang for nearly a week afterward. Nothing. I still glance out the window in the mornings, but I don't really expect to see Fang anymore<br />
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Please don't delude yourself into thinking I became attached to a spider. Good riddance, and the next spider might not be so lucky...<br />
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Sniff, sniff.phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5776676718097599053.post-47750132031612557282019-07-24T11:07:00.000-04:002019-07-24T11:07:10.116-04:00Historical Landmark for Sale!Fuzzy, Black Dogs will be closing its office doors for the final time very soon.<br />
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The good news, however, we have moved into a new facility and will continue to bring high quality humor associated with Fuzzy, Black Dogs. The phenomenal byproduct of this move is that now someone will have a chance to own a piece of history!<br />
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I believe it's common knowledge that the staff and crew of Fuzzy, Black Dogs was living and operating out of a residence. We still are, but our previously owned domicile will be on the market very soon.<br />
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My wife, the realtor and the home inspector have managed to create the longest list known to mankind for me. It contains all the things that I can do in order to create a happier environment and more appealing residence. This, of course, is supposed to bump up the value of said residence.<br />
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The house should remain unchanged for obvious reasons.<br />
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Do you think someone said 'Let's make Connemara look a little more appealing and get rid of some of these books' or 'Let's spruce up this pitiful Key West house. Hemingway was so messy!'<br />
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Of course not! An historical home is supposed to be left in the shape it was in when the famous writer lived and worked there. This, as everyone knows, is common knowledge.<br />
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Instead of working on my 'Honey Do' list, I'm working on a sign. It will be clearly visible from the road. I'm hoping to have it in place before the house is listed. Below is a sneak peek at my work in progress...<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Historical Original</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>site of</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Fuzzy, Black Dogs</b></span></div>
phaworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07138091112215921208noreply@blogger.com0