fuzzy, black dogs

fuzzy, black dogs
All three of my fuzzy, black dogs -- Bob, Ace and Lilly.

Phillip's Scenic Overlook

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Fixing America One Problem at a Time

My fellow Americans. It is with a sad, heavy heart that I announce through my blog, Fuzzy, Black Dogs, that I will not be your president for the upcoming term.

I accepted my defeat gracefully and called my fellow presidential hopefuls to offer congratulations and condolences. Though I was unable to reach Obama or Romney personally, the people I spoke with assured me that they would pass along my messages. I just hope they don't call me back when I'm working with my students in the morning. That would be embarrassing!

Despite the results from last night, I'm upbeat and busy readying myself for the 2016 election. My new party, which I created myself, will be called the Priority Party. I will be called a "buffet line candidate." Allow me to explain.

My plan is really quite simple. I'll petition a random sampling of Americans to discover what issues are important to them. I will pull out 20 that I feel should be labeled 'top priority,' hence the name Priority Party.

Then I will place them neatly on a table and randomly choose 10, similar to the way you pick certain foods off of a buffet line, hence the term 'buffet line candidate.'

Really it's an ideal solution and a no-fail strategy. Your issues are my issues, provided they make it through the screening process described above, of course. Once we get those tackled and solved, who knows? Perhaps we'll go back to that issue-laden buffet line and pick some more problems to tackle.

My slogan will be just as simple -- "Fixing America one problem at a time!"

Friday, November 2, 2012

A-maze-ing Learning!

Ever tried to train a wild cat? Ever tried to train an entire pack of wild cats? Now, have you ever let an entire pack of wild cats loose on a farm and told them to behave? I have. It's called a field trip.

The pack of wild cats in question would be our first graders. We decided to set them loose on a local farm under the guise of an educational field trip.

On our way to the same field trip last year, one of our kids commented on the "giant dogs" we saw on on our way there.
"Those are actually goats," I said.
"Oh," he said and sat quietly a moment. "Mr. Haworth? What's a goat?"

My comment winner for this year goes to the student who told me in the corn maze "I'm only allergic to corn when its on the cob, Mr. Haworth."

Thank goodness there were no cobs in the corn bins full of corn he jumped and played in!

He told me a few of the other food items he's allergic to as well. Coincidentally, they were the same healthy foods I was allergic to when I was his age.

During the "school" portion of the trip, they showed us foods they grow like wheat. Wheat straw comes from wheat. So does wheat flour. What can we make with flour, she asked. One hand shot up and the girl attached yelled, "popcorn!"

I don't know that what we've taught the kids has stuck. But I do know what we SHOULD be teaching them.

Saving Children from Spiders

Anyone that really knows me knows that I am not a big fan of spiders. No matter how small or non-life threatening they are, I simply don't care for those spindly, evil-looking little critters.

I usually love this time of year when the weather cools down. However, this time of year also kind of sucks. Allow me to explain that a little.

I generally like it when the temperature drops and the weather cools down. That means cool, crisp air. That means cold, wintry nights. That also means the king and Spanish mackerel are running at the coast and THAT means good fishing and great eating! Ever had a fresh mackerel steak?

Anyway, the cold weather also equates to more spiders inside the house! Apparently they've got some intelligence if they're trying to come in out of the cold, right?

Well, on the morning in question, one large and particularly ugly black spider decided to come in out of the cold. I found him on the ceiling in the entrance to the cafeteria at the elementary school I work at. In other words, right above my head!

After an avid search, I was unable to find anything to reach the offending creature to eradicate him, or her, by the only method I know to deal with such things -- squish!

Regardless, I did find the custodian. The great thing about our custodians is that they know how to handle nearly any situation thrown at them. Before I could blink, that venom dripping, massive black spider was gone, the children were safe once again and I could breathe a little easier.

But that left one other little problem -- explaining myself to the custodian. I would have gotten it, I explained, if I could have reached it. I just didn't have...