Kindergarten Fashionista!

While kindergarten has been pretty good to me this year, I learned just how fashion-savvy a kindergartner can be today.

For the uninformed, I don't usually wear a tie to work. Due to outside events that would commence immediately upon leaving school, I wore one today.

It should be noted here that I don't own normal ties. Most of them sport some kind of children's drawings, kid themes or Beatles themes. And, yes, The Beatles were still a band when I was born!

"Mr. Haworth," said one of my boys. "Your tie doesn't match your shirt. It doesn't match anything!"

For nearly half a century now, I have been blissfully unaware of the fact that my tie is supposed to match something else that happens to adorn my body!

"Well," I responded. "My wife left earlier than I did this morning and wasn't able to help me match my clothes."

"You dress  yourself a lot, don't you Mr. Haworth?"

Ouch!

What I wish...

I absolutely adore writing prompts! My third-graders were given the following prompt and three minutes to write whatever they wanted. This, however, was my response...

Oh, the limitless possibilities!

(Prompt: If I could have one wish, I would wish for...) I would wish for large vocabularies for all my students.

If my students have large vocabularies, they'll understand what I mean when I tell them they are doing phenomenally. They'll be able to perform stupendous work. They'll be able to write prolifically.

They'll know to avoid egregious and audacious behavior. They'll also be able to keep the decibel level in the classroom to a manageable minimum. And they certainly won't be loquacious!

Above all, their reading levels would be monumental! Words like insipid, retroactive and redundant would inspire them to read with deep comprehension and alacrity! Wow!

I simply couldn't muster the courage to read any of the students' responses. I'm too afraid I'll see "I wish Mr. Haworth didn't throw all those big, scary words at me! What do they even mean?"

Teacher's Guide to the New Year

The new academic year is nearly upon us. New students, old students, books, pencils, classrooms, and grades will all be in full swing in a little more than a week.

An exciting time for parents looking for a little quiet time in their day, but a busy time for teachers. And teacher assistants, too, of course. Really.

Three days into school, this pile of pencils will be missing!

I've created a helpful guide for new teachers, as well as refresher notes for experienced teachers who have foolishly donned their rose colored glasses.

Here are the significant details in a nutshell.

There will be a lot of kids. They will be all sorts of ethnicities. This is okay, as long as they're human. A few may argue with you over that fact, but that, in fact, is normal.

Out of these kids, a handful will be male. The rest will be female. If you're lucky, the numbers of male to female will be even. If not, that's cool too.

Some of the males will cause trouble, as will some of the females. Don't worry too much about who they are. They'll let you know in their own special way just as soon as they are able.

Hopefully, they'll all be wearing clothes. Discourage the discarding of clothes throughout the day. If you don't teach, don't laugh. It's a thing!

Now each one of these unique little beings is different and each one has his or her own name. Confusing, but this, also, is a good thing. Otherwise, the rest of the year will become even more confusing.

The first day can be summed up in one simple word -- chaos. Here's the short answer why...

Take all the ingredients above, mix them together in a single room known as Miss Whoever's room. Add in a peanut allergy. Don't add Johnny next to Junie because he's gross and makes her throw up. Mix Jerry near the board since he can't see. Don't mix Junior near the computer because he has no self-control. And no matter where you mix Jarrell, he'll still lay on his desk bubbling and burbling, pretending to be a fish!

This, of course, is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. It can, and sometimes does, get worse.

Don't believe me? Just ask any teacher you know. They'll tell you.

What Do Skilled Writers Do?

I sometimes like to help my wife grade her students' work, though she won't let me touch the English papers. I'm not sure why. If you don't mark everything (and I mean everything), how will they learn?

Regardless, we're only four weeks into the school year and I've already received quite the education from both her kids and mine.

My wife went down. Last year, she taught fourth-graders. This year she is teaching second grade, and she's very thankful for that. Me? I went up. I am now working with third, fourth and fifth grades.

So it was no surprise that I found myself helping out by grading my wife's second grade math papers. You know, kids are great. Their answers may not always be correct, per se, but sometimes they are really pretty accurate.

Here are just a few of the questions from the papers I graded.

What is the value of three dimes, one nickel and three pennies? The answer given -- Monday. 

Wow! Nailed it! Mondays are pretty worthless.

What is two days before Saturday? The answer given -- Monday.

Another asked what is two days after Monday? The answer given -- Friday.

Wishful thinking, kiddos. Wishful thinking.

While I've also learned a bit from my upper grades, my favorite thing is a poster in one of my fifth grade classes. It's titled (not entitled - English lesson!) "What do SKILLED writers do?" Each student wrote on it what they thought skilled writers do.

Here's a brief sample of their contributions.

[Skilled writers] Take neat notes.

[Skilled writers] Use action words.

They make books.

They use gramer.

[Skilled writers are] Storyiers for people to read.

And my personal favorite:

they wriite flawlessley...  I guess...

I'm currently working on my next flawless blog post. It will be neat, since I'll compose it on the computer. It will also include some action words.

A-maze-ing Learning!

Ever tried to train a wild cat? Ever tried to train an entire pack of wild cats? Now, have you ever let an entire pack of wild cats loose on a farm and told them to behave? I have. It's called a field trip.

The pack of wild cats in question would be our first graders. We decided to set them loose on a local farm under the guise of an educational field trip.

On our way to the same field trip last year, one of our kids commented on the "giant dogs" we saw on on our way there.
"Those are actually goats," I said.
"Oh," he said and sat quietly a moment. "Mr. Haworth? What's a goat?"

My comment winner for this year goes to the student who told me in the corn maze "I'm only allergic to corn when its on the cob, Mr. Haworth."

Thank goodness there were no cobs in the corn bins full of corn he jumped and played in!

He told me a few of the other food items he's allergic to as well. Coincidentally, they were the same healthy foods I was allergic to when I was his age.

During the "school" portion of the trip, they showed us foods they grow like wheat. Wheat straw comes from wheat. So does wheat flour. What can we make with flour, she asked. One hand shot up and the girl attached yelled, "popcorn!"

I don't know that what we've taught the kids has stuck. But I do know what we SHOULD be teaching them.