fuzzy, black dogs

fuzzy, black dogs
All three of my fuzzy, black dogs -- Bob, Ace and Lilly.

Phillip's Scenic Overlook

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Fishing Guide for Hire

I love fishing. Just holding a pole and casting it out on the water gives me a thrill. Having a hook on the end makes it even better. Even MORE fun is actually catching fish, though that is not always the main reason for going fishing.

I recently got to act as a fishing guide for my good friend Nic. I took him to all my special spots, which will remain unnamed and unrecorded, of course, where I have hooked some amazing monstrosities! Nic did most of the fishing since I was essentially the guide for the trip.

We both hooked into a couple of monsters early in the day. They were crafty ones, though. Mine danced on the surface and threw my hook. Nic's monster just took his lure.

Now I know you're probably thinking 'what fishing guide loses fish and lures?' Well, it happens to the best of us. Professional golfers lose the occasional ball. Professional fishing guides lose the occasional fish. And lure.

As the day progressed, we found some large catfish. We also chased some stinking, big carp. On top of that, we watched an osprey catch a fish, an eagle take off, a dead and a live snake, some loons catch fish, some fish jump, herons and egrets wading and fishing, and someone noodling at the side of the lake. I even procured a sunburn on the insides of my knees. It was quite a productive day!


At the end of the day, I whipped out my secret weapon, my trusty fly rod, and proceeded to catch a pumpkin seed and two bream. While not the actual fish I caught, the two pictures that I've included are mostly reasonable facsimiles to the fish I caught. Somewhat.

Regardless, I'm considering yet another career change. I may have a bright future ahead of me as a fishing guide!

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Fabulous NC Images

Ginga, the name my son and other grandkids affectionately used for my mother-in-law, passed away recently. Simply put, she was a great person and I feel like a better person for having known her.

Pictured below is some of the handiwork she left behind. Ginga loved flowers and, each Spring, landscaped her yard to the best of her abilities. Translation, her yard was beautiful, bursting with vibrant, happy colors!


I usually prefer funny posts, but this one's for you, Ginga. Pictured above is one of the daisies she had planted by the side of her driveway. This year, the side of her driveway is picture perfect, abounding with daisies.


Friday, April 21, 2017

Kindergarten Fashionista!

While kindergarten has been pretty good to me this year, I learned just how fashion-savvy a kindergartner can be today.

For the uninformed, I don't usually wear a tie to work. Due to outside events that would commence immediately upon leaving school, I wore one today.

It should be noted here that I don't own normal ties. Most of them sport some kind of children's drawings, kid themes or Beatles themes. And, yes, The Beatles were still a band when I was born!

"Mr. Haworth," said one of my boys. "Your tie doesn't match your shirt. It doesn't match anything!"

For nearly half a century now, I have been blissfully unaware of the fact that my tie is supposed to match something else that happens to adorn my body!

"Well," I responded. "My wife left earlier than I did this morning and wasn't able to help me match my clothes."

"You dress  yourself a lot, don't you Mr. Haworth?"

Ouch!

Monday, January 16, 2017

Alphabobnoxious

This may come as a complete shock to my readers, but I can sometimes be a little over-the-top. Trying is another word that has been used to describe me before. My wife came up with a new one this morning, but I have yet to discover it!

I attempted to wake her up. I jiggled the bed. I shook her. Then I jiggled both her and the bed. I pulled on her blankets. I even tickled her a little, all the while chanting, "Honey. Baby. Shnookie. Honey. Baby Shnookie..."

"I'm thinking of a word to describe you right now," she said. Her voice had a menacing edge to it. "It starts with a--"

"A!" I said quickly. "You're word is adorable! Right? Or perhaps audacious? With a touch of awesome?"

No and no. I quickly turned this into an alphabet game, creating a word to describe me with every letter of the alphabet.

Bumbling, or bubbly? Cute? Dependable? Effervescent? Fun? Grandiloquent? Happy, or humorous? Irrepressible? Jovial? Knowledgeable? Loquacious?

"Loquacious certainly works," she said, "but you haven't gotten the letter or the word right. I see what you're doing. Feel free to stop any time." She hid under her blanket as I continued.

Marvelous, or moronic? Probably marvelous. Naturally sweet? Obnoxious? Practical? Quick-witted? Remarkable? Stubborn? Tenacious? Unyielding? Vivacious? Wacky? Xquisite? (Yeah, I cheated!) Youthful? Zoostunder? (Not a word, but I explained to her that's what mortals would call me. If I were a god. If.)

She's got some nerve! She invited me to leave, immediately, and started her own list, as she threw pillows at me.

Annoying! Bothersome! Cretin! Dork!

I didn't hear what was next. I exited quickly. My wife is good with words too.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Dinner Planning Made Easy

When I was younger, weekends were all about fishing, partying, eating and doing wild and crazy things! Now that I'm older, my weekends have turned into planning, laundry, cleaning and grocery store runs.

I like to think of myself as a professional grocery store shopper. I plan out my weekly meals (with my wife's help, of course!). As you can see from the diagram below, a lot of thought goes into the creation of a weekly menu at my house.

A glimpse into the insanity of genius, or something like that!

I diligently go through my kitchen as I make my grocery list to make sure I don't purchase anything I don't already have.

Like rice. One week, following my grocery run, I discovered I had three bags of rice! And I had just purchased another bag! Seriously, four 2 pound bags of rice might be just a little over the top. But I digress...

I list. I count. I mark. I strike through some items. I make notes on other items. I would take a picture of a typical grocery list, but viewings of my lists have cause textual blindness in the viewers. Don't ask. It's not pretty.

Regardless, I've been known to rewrite one list as many as four times. Even then, something always seems to get left off or forgotten.

I must admit that if grocery shopping was an Olympic sport, I probably wouldn't even qualify.

I still don't organize my shopping by sales, stores and coupons. My wife won't let me. She says five hours is too long for a single grocery run. Pure silliness!

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Random Facts About Me

I read a pretty funny blog post on www.laughwithusblog.com recently. The author listed 25 random facts about herself she felt might be interesting. Or humorous. Or both!

Regardless, I thought that might be a good challenge for myself. Considering how long I've been writing my blog, you probably know all sorts of random facts about me that you hoped you might forget by now. You are in luck! Here's 25 more to store away for future knowledge!

I haven't always been a health nut. As a kid, the only green items I ate were M&M's, jelly beans, Skittles, freezer pops...

My favorite color? Green!

I'm not the laid back, chill individual I profess myself to be. Sometimes I can be a little uptight.

I make my own dishwasher detergent.

My fastest 5K ever was just under three minutes. My fastest running time, however, was 33 minutes and 16 seconds.

I once put an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my mouth. It was a dare. I won.

I died once. Well, I thought I had, at least. It turns out our black cat just wanted a warm place to sleep and curled up on my face while I was asleep!

My first career goal that I ever remember making was to be a mountain man. I didn't know what it meant, but that was my goal.

I originally went to Cape Fear Community College to be a marine biologist. The marine diesel mechanics class scared me off.

I went to NCSU for a few years. I took fencing, archery, rock climbing...

I finally graduated from High Point University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English with a concentration in creative writing. (Imagine that!)

I drowned in a pool once for a Raleigh news station.

I like meat. Doesn't matter what kind. I'm a carnivore.

When I was a kid, I used to wish something bad would happen to me. Something bad enough that when I was "fixed" or healed, I either had bionics, or super powers.

Though my first attempts were nearly fatal, I'm a pretty good chef. And I enjoy cooking.

I once made a spaghetti sauce that a skinny, stray dog refused to eat.

I tried to change my name once to make myself more distinguished. I added Forrest. (Yes. This was before Forrest Gump!)

At 10 years old, I knew I was destined to be a professional stunt man.

The Beatles were still a band when I was born. "The who?" my first-graders used to ask. "No. Not The Who. The Beatles." Lame joke, but it amused me.

I like to amuse myself.

I find things. Like my sister's lost earring in the front yard. And a diamond ring once in my own back yard. And a five dollar bill on a recent run. And...

I've had dogs, cats, turtles, gerbils, a parakeet, rabbits, snakes, frogs, fish and snails. I think there were some others, but I don't remember!

There are some beef jerky dog snacks that taste like cheap human beef jerky. Deduce what you will from that statement.

I know the numbers one through five in Spanish. I know seven through 15 in French. I know six only in English.

I like to make lists!

Monday, June 6, 2016

Move Over, Martha!

I maxed out my recipe binder. I think I've created, and perfected, each of the recipes that I lovingly collected and three-hole punched for that binder. I reached the pinnacle of my culinary prowess... Until I met Martha.

She came in my house through the front door. Her blonde hair was coiffed perfectly. Her ever-present, inviting smile a permanent fixture upon her visage. And she was lying in a smallish, plastic tub. All 12 of her!

Ginga, as my mom-in-law is affectionately known, finally relinquished a full years worth of Martha Stewart's Everyday Food magazine, bequeathing them to me. Each one of these mini-magazines is chocked full of the most tantalizingly delectable, culinary delights this chef has ever seen!

Needless to say, I'm starting all over again on a new cookbook. Due to the magazine's small size, I've found dual half-page page protectors to house these recipes. Score!

Now I'll have to scour the house to find an appropriate binder with which to contain my new treasure trove of recipes. In case you can't tell, I launched into the magazines immediately upon their arrival.

I have not yet told my wife and son that the menu of meals for this week has changed drastically. My gluten free chicken fried rice may become gluten free pork fried rice instead.

While I refuse to defile the sanctity that is hot dog night, oven-baked taco night has now become skirt steak with pan-fried polenta. Steaks have skirts? And just what the heck is a polenta? Yoo-hoo! Oh, Google!

Regardless, I've discovered around 50 new recipes to try out on my unsuspecting family. And that's just from three magazines! Nine more to go! My family has no idea just how lucky they really are!

Needless to say, I have a new, growing stack of recipes that require my attentiveness and mad chef skills. As they say, practice makes perfect!

Move over, Martha. There's a new chef in town!