fuzzy, black dogs

fuzzy, black dogs
The original three fuzzy, black dogs -- Bob, Ace and Lilly.

Phillip's Scenic Overlook

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Healthy... Or Harmful?

I recently turned 50 and made a shocking discovery about my mother. Despite evidence to the contrary, it turns out that she really wasn't trying to kill me off when I was younger!

For years she slipped the most peculiar things into my food. Then, she had the audacity to insist that I eat it! I was given no choice or voice in the matter! A couple of times she went so far as to threaten to save it for me for breakfast the next day. My life was like a horror movie, except I persevered!



Some of the poisonous, foreign objects were square, some round and some shapeless. They came in all colors like orange, red, yellow, brown and green. The textures and consistencies were sketchy too. Nothing digestible actually squeaks when you bite into it!

Most of it was unrecognizable, though some was. I always recognized the mushrooms. They were of the poisonous variety. I knew they were because every time I ate one, I would fall out of my chair, gagging for oxygen, while different colored orbs danced before my very eyes.

I accidentally ate one of these poisonous mushrooms recently. Yes, it squeaked when I bit into it. Magically, I didn't fall out of my chair. I didn't gag. No colors. No near death experience. By the grace of God, it seems that my body has built an immunity to the toxins.

That incident sent sparks flying through my neurons and synapses which, of course, led to my discovery. I started flipping through some of my recipes. Could it be that she was feeding me red, green, yellow and orange peppers? Onions? Cabbage and celery? Mushrooms, certainly. But squash and okra?

The items listed above are all items that I cook with consistently. My wife has even witnessed me consuming said items. Some of them I even find tasty.

Surely the onions I love to put on nearly everything I eat aren't the same as the ones my mother tried to feed me! Her opaque, and sometimes translucent, food articles she called onions sometimes sent me reeling. If memory serves me correctly, I developed hives after eating them. Or profuse sweating. Or maybe convulsions...