God Vacations in New York?

It seems that I have taken a wrong turn in my life. Instead of being a first grade teacher assistant, I should have been a fourth grade assistant, or perhaps teacher. Or, perhaps not.

My wife recently got a job as a fourth grade teacher at a somewhat local elementary school. Every once and again, she'll bring home papers to grade. Ultimately, I will end up helping with the grading process.

They recently read the book "Dear Mrs. LaRue" by Mark Teague. The assignment? Each one had to write a paper by finishing the sentence "If I was Ike, I would have escaped to..."

In the book, Ike, the dog, escapes from obedience school. He travels all over the place before coming back home. These fourth-graders, though, have some better ideas than Ike of where they would go and what they would do.

Several kids hearts were in the right place and said they would escape to go back home and be with their families. Several others, however, looked towards food first. Two of them would have escaped to Burger King. One would escape to Biscuitville and another was planning to get to Cook Out.

There were several places mentioned, like Chicago, New Jersey, New York and Mexico. And from there, it only gets better. Or worse, depending on your point of view.

After the initial layover in New York, one fourth-grader planned to find a space ship. Why? Well, as he said, his problems would be a planet away. Besides, he planned to meet aliens, get a job and find a house somewhere out there.

One boy simply made a list of all the places he would visit. They included, in this order, the beach, Mexico, the moon, New York (to meet God), the past and the future. The last, of course, would be with the time machine that he made himself.

The best response, though, was the sweet little one who would have escaped to Hawaii ("Howaye"). Why Hawaii? Basically because "almost nobody lives thier and thiers is no police..." He goes on to mention something about surfing and cool cars available to steal. I'm beginning to understand the interest in the lack of police presence!

Police or no police, he said he will take -- my word, not his -- the fastest car he can find so no one will be able to catch him anyway. That way he can get to his secret house that no one knows about so he can live happily ever after, or so I assume.

Nice plan. I have seen the future generation, dear readers. I am scared.