Summer Plans, in Five Sentences

We're on the tail end of the academic year. After nearly 180 days of craziness, I know that my colleagues AND students are planning some well-deserved summer breaks.

We've already got the kids writing about it.

"Tell me what you're summer plans are," I heard one of my first grade teachers tell her students. "What kind of fun will you have. If you don't have any plans, tell me what you would like to do over the summer. At least five sentences, please!"

I don't know about those kids, but I have big plans for my summer. Allow me to tell you what they are.

I may get started on the hot tub in my back deck. How hard could that be? I also want to make a rock patio in a corner of my back yard, replete with a grill built into it. Oh, and I need to convert my son's fort into a utility shed while I'm in project mode.

I've got trips to schedule between the projects so I won't be bored this summer.

There will be at least two fishing trips to the beach. For everyone else, they're just beach trips. I'm thinking at least three trips to Badin Lake -- again, fishing.

I'm researching some blue ribbon trout streams in Montana, currently. I haven't mentioned that trip to my wife yet. No worries, though. What wife doesn't want her hubby to be happy?

Don't forget all the grilling that needs to take place. Grilling at my home. Grilling at the beach. Grilling at my friend Al's house. Grilling at the lake. Grilling fish, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, steaks, shish kabobs and anything else I can throw onto my grill!

Add to this list several numerous rounds of golf and a camping trip or two. Have I mentioned fishing? We'll squeeze in a little more here.

And then I'm going to... Wait! Have I exceeded five sentences?

Hot Tub Assembly Made Easy

Ah, summertime! I love these hot summer days with the sun shining brightly, beckoning me outdoors. Summertime means food, fishing, swimming, food, freeze pops, camping, hiking, food, biking, picnics, beach trips, canoeing, grilling and projects. In fact, I feel a summertime project coming on...

One thing I should mention here is that as a young boy, I generally had a project lined every year for summertime.

One summer I built a live, working, Burmese tiger pit in the back yard, complete with the pointed spikes lining the bottom. I also seem to remember a summer that I laid out and began construction on  an in-ground swim pool in my Dad's side yard. There was also a summer when I lived outdoors in my blue, two-man tent. I think I was training for my career as an outdoorsman. And then there was the summer I planned my circumnavigation around the globe in my Dad's beautiful, grand sailboat he kept at the side of the house. Oh, the memories that 14 foot fiberglass boat evoke.

It's been quite a while since I've embarked upon a big, summertime project. But I've been thinking long and hard about it. I have come up with a new one. As a kid, I always shrouded my projects in mystery, planning to unveil them upon completion. After years of experience, I may consult my wife before starting my new one.

My plan is a simple one -- I will be installing a hot tub in my back deck.

I've already drawn out my plans and I know exactly where the hot tub will go. The first challenge will be cutting a hole in my deck. Whether with scissors or saw, I've never been known for cutting straight, even holes. That will be an easy fix. I'll tether the circular saw to an eyehook sunk in the middle of the deck where my hole will go. Problem solved!

The next challenge will be the piping. I already know where the water pipes are under the deck. Prior to installing the pipes, I may have to fix the spigot that I managed to break last year (or was it the year before?). I promised my wife it would be done. Maybe I'd best follow through on that one first.

Then I'll hire my awesome brother-in-law to come help me sink it into the deck since it might be too large for me to handle alone. He usually loves to be a part of my fun plans. Perhaps he'll even crawl under the deck and clear the spiders for me so I can help him assemble the piping.

After that, it's just a simple matter of connecting the piping, setting up the pump, bracing the bottom, filling it with water, treating the water and turning it on. Voila! In no time at all I'll be enjoying my hot tub. I can't help but imagining relaxing in it while my 14 year old son waits on me, replenishing my beer.

Wish me luck! I'm off to the store so my wife and I can discuss my potential summer project over a nice bottle of wine. Perhaps I should get two.

A Project Is Only as Good as Its Details

I currently work at a local school as a teacher's assistant for three great ladies. They give me administrative work, which suits me just fine. The more detailed and difficult the project is, the better. I'm quite familiar with the copiers our school uses and can make them do nearly anything I want.

Strangely enough, I've always been a project-minded kind of a guy, even as a young kid. No matter how old I was, each project had its own little details and nuances. I revelled in mentally ironing them out.

There was the Burmese tiger pit, for example. It had to be deep. The original plans called for a depth of no less than 10 feet. It had to have sharp stakes at the bottom since I didn't want to be mauled by a live tiger when I went back to claim my prize. It had to be well covered so it couldn't be seen by sharp tiger eyes. And, most importantly, it had to be someplace my dad wouldn't accidentally find or, worse, fall into.

I did complete the tiger pit. Considering all the sneaking I did to get my dad's tools into the woods behind our house and back again, and the amazing depth of my tiger pit, it came together in record time. About a month after commencement, the tiger pit was ready for its first victim! I diligently checked it throughout the rest of that summer.

Hindsight being what it is, I now fully understand the flaws inherent in that project. First, it seems there's a slight discrepancy between an eight year old's 10 feet and 10 actual feet deep. Secondly, long sharp stakes differ according to age as well. And third, my monumental disappointment at not being able to make my own tiger-skin carpet could have been avoided. It seems I missed the detail where you research the location and range of the quarry you wish to capture...