The Truth About First Grade

We, meaning my teachers, decided to give our first-graders one last writing assignment for the year.  They had to write a letter to an upcoming first-grader, aka, a kindergartner, telling that person about first grade.

My last assignment as the first grade teacher assistant (I'll have new adventures in another role next year!) was to hand our soon-to-be second-graders sheets with five sentence starters. I even filled one out myself. Here it is, with the sentence starters in italics.

Dear upcoming first-grader,

You are going to have so much fun when you get to college. Or to the beach. If you're lucky, you can combine the two! Seriously, though, first grade is fun too. Really. It is. Should I try that one again?

You are going to have so much fun under your desk. Don't ask. I'm not sure. However, the kids that spend time under their desks often seem to be having the most fun.

You will never forget your teacher assistant. They're the best, especially good looking male teacher assistants. And, of course, your teacher. And any fun you happen to have along the way, such as time spent under your desk.

You need to know that your new teacher is out to get you. I mean, is not out to get you! I mean... Wait! Do over!

You need to know that your new teacher is a human being just like you. However, it's important to tell them how pretty/handsome they are. Regularly. And, instead of apples, they like Skittles. And Reese's Pieces. Oh, and M&M'S. Especially the peanut M&M's. Daily.
 

Remember to always duck. Chances are, you don't want the unidentifiable green objects that fly over from the next desk to actually touch you. It's best that you not know what it is or from where it originated. This may be a good time to practice crawling under your desk.

My final advice is take the time to learn proper protocol, such as the best way to crawl under your desk. The why is not important. It's all about the how and doing it with grace and panache and not getting caught until you are fully underneath the desk.

Your big buddy,

Mr. Haworth

End of the School Year Blues

In lieu of a blog post, we here at Fuzzy, Black Dogs are venturing into uncharted territory. We have created a video for a post!

Please click on the following link, which will send you to my YouTube video, simply titled, "End of the School Year Blues."

http://youtu.be/gKiSkmmd5MQ

I hope you enjoy!

Summer Plans, in Five Sentences

We're on the tail end of the academic year. After nearly 180 days of craziness, I know that my colleagues AND students are planning some well-deserved summer breaks.

We've already got the kids writing about it.

"Tell me what you're summer plans are," I heard one of my first grade teachers tell her students. "What kind of fun will you have. If you don't have any plans, tell me what you would like to do over the summer. At least five sentences, please!"

I don't know about those kids, but I have big plans for my summer. Allow me to tell you what they are.

I may get started on the hot tub in my back deck. How hard could that be? I also want to make a rock patio in a corner of my back yard, replete with a grill built into it. Oh, and I need to convert my son's fort into a utility shed while I'm in project mode.

I've got trips to schedule between the projects so I won't be bored this summer.

There will be at least two fishing trips to the beach. For everyone else, they're just beach trips. I'm thinking at least three trips to Badin Lake -- again, fishing.

I'm researching some blue ribbon trout streams in Montana, currently. I haven't mentioned that trip to my wife yet. No worries, though. What wife doesn't want her hubby to be happy?

Don't forget all the grilling that needs to take place. Grilling at my home. Grilling at the beach. Grilling at my friend Al's house. Grilling at the lake. Grilling fish, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, steaks, shish kabobs and anything else I can throw onto my grill!

Add to this list several numerous rounds of golf and a camping trip or two. Have I mentioned fishing? We'll squeeze in a little more here.

And then I'm going to... Wait! Have I exceeded five sentences?

Lights? Camera? No. Just Action!

While Memorial Day is a day to remember those who defended our country, the holiday also means the beginning of summer. Golf. Beach trips. Picnics. Projects. Food. Swimming. And movies, movies, movies!

Normally, I can tell you what great movies are coming out for the summer. I can also tell you what I'm looking forward to seeing, but not this year. I've been much too busy to even consider turning on the TV!

I will admit that I've heard about "Guardians of the Galaxy" and I'm actually looking forward to it. While I think it has potential, all the super cool movies are way out on the horizon. The next Star Wars, for example, is scheduled for release in 2015!

With that being said, here is my brief list of movies to watch this summer. If you haven't seen them, these are some of the all-time greats, as well as being some of my personal favorites.

No great movie list would be complete without "The Godfather." Great acting. Great movie. Ok, I'm just regurgitating what I've heard. I will, however, concede to the fact that it's a really good movie.

I suppose this is as good a place as any to lump the Indiana Jones movies. The first, "Raiders of the Lost Ark," being the best, and then the third. Replace Shia in the fourth and it could improve the film.

Face it. What's cooler than the main character utilizing a bullwhip for a weapon?

Of course, the original Star Wars trilogy ranks pretty high on my list. Laser swords (aka, light sabers). Laser blasters. The force. Need I say more? Hans Christianson's acting skills and Jar-Jar Binks' character aside, the prequel trilogy was quite enjoyable, also.

All James Bond movies go on my list, including the one where Henry Lazenby (who thankfully played Bond only once) was the suave hero. I even like the original where Peter Sellers played James Bond. Hey! I'm only a guy!

And my favorite movie of all time? That's easy. Peter Benchley's "Jaws" is hands down my favorite movie. Ever.

I must confess, though, that "Jaws" wasn't always my favorite movie. There was a brief period of time, in fact, when it was my LEAST favorite movie. For approximately two weeks after the movie first came out, I had nightmares that sharks were swimming up to the foot of my bed and snapping at my toes in order to drag me into the water and devour me.

You know, that movie came out in 1976. Perhaps eight years old may be just a little too young to see a movie like that on the big screen. Or, perhaps not.

Thanks, Dad.

Coming Soon -- Shar Pei Chardonnay

Once upon a time, I ran my own business. While I truly enjoyed it, I didn't really care for the managing and delegating part of it. Employees can be difficult!

 

I'm planning a new venture. This time around, it will be a small one man operation. I have all sorts of products already thought up. All I need to do is create some prototypes, then send them into production. How easy is that? Instant business!

 

After quite a bit of in-depth research, my marketing department came up with the moniker, Fuzzy, Black Dogs Products. Has a nice ring, don't you think?

 

Of course, I'll start with the obvious  choice and create a line of dog products. I'll have the usual assortment of chew toys, dental chews, throwing discs, bowls, leashes, dog shampoos, halters and the like.

 

I think perhaps I should also capitalize upon my newfound celebrity status and create my own scent. I've got the name down to one of three choices -- Eau de Doglette, C'est Bark or just simply Fuzzy, Black Dogs for Men or Women.

 

Britney and Beyonce, eat your hearts out!

 

After that, I'm thinking a Fuzzy, Black Dogs clothing line. It will include both men's and women's clothing and apparel. It will come in more than just denim, too.

 

The Fuzzy, Black Dogs label, however, will have two unique features not found in other clothing lines. First, it will repel dog fur. Second, the women's clothes will feature pants with actual pockets that can be utilized to hold stuff. Truly revolutionary.

 

Then we'll go into my favorite idea -- Fuzzy, Black Dogs wines! Some of the first wines to hit the grocery store shelves will be a Fido Grigio and Chateau de Bark. Soon after, there will be a Rex Merlot and a Shar pei Chardonnay.

 

And then... Well, the sky's the limit! Kitchen items are always popular and a luggage line would be cool, but nothing says prestige like a jewelry line!
 

Decisions, decisions.

You Know You're Getting Old...

I've heard it said before that age is just a number. I've also recently become aware of the fact that my own personal number is steadily increasing.

 

However, I'm not too worried about it. My plan is simple. It involves aging gracefully, like a fine wine. According to this plan, I'll only get better from here!

I'd like to think that, thus far, I have managed to achieve my goal.

Regardless, I have managed to compile a brief list of personal experiences that have made me realize that I am, whether gracefully or not, getting old.

With that being said, you know you're getting old when..

When the flower girl at your wedding posts college graduation photos of herself on Facebook.

When your wife starts talking about a gray streak in your hair that you were not previously aware of or seen for yourself.

When first-graders say, "Whoa! You're older than my grandma (or grandpa), Mr. Haworth!"

When your wife announces on your 19th wedding anniversary, "Whew! This marriage has been the longest 45 years of my life!"

When your son tells you your "wings" are coming along nicely.

When your knees pop louder than a soda can every time you stand up.

When the holes in your jeans have run their course.

Come on, you all know what I mean! The holes start at the knees for young kids. Young adults accrue holes in the butt first. As you age more, I've discovered, the holes appear first in the pockets!

When, according to my father-in-law, you're thinking, "You know, 70 really doesn't seem that old."

Student Poems Take a Fun Turn!

Despite the fact that National Poetry Month is five days past, my first-graders and I are in full swing.

 

We've changed direction from our 'serious' poems we've done. We are now tackling something a bit more fun, like limericks and couplets.

 

I have to admit that these six and seven year-olds have surprised me with their word choices! Take the following limerick as an example.

 

One day when the teacher had recess

a boy made a despicable mess!

He rolled in the mud

with his very best bud.

He ruined the teacher's favorite dress!

 

Through a little guidance on my part, these are all my kids' words, including the word "despicable." I was impressed, and even told him so. 

 

Here are our other two limericks, plus two couplets. While I've taken the liberty of eradicating actual names, I don't think it detracts from the poems themselves.

 

One day in my teacher's guided reading

a girl in the class started bleeding!

Some big words oozed out

and that made her shout,

"Reading? I thought the books were for eating!"

 

One kid in my teacher's classroom

flew through the room on a broom.

He hit the back wall.

That caused him to fall.

So my teacher sent him to his doom!

 

Playing on swings can be fun,

but don't let your feet touch the sun.

 

A first-grader walked down the hall,

but a mean bunny caused her to fall.