Potentially the Greatest Book Ever Written

I've always wanted to join the ranks of the greatest of the greats. You know. People like Johannes Balbus, John of Garland, Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott, Noah Webster and George and Charles Merriam. Now THOSE are some of the great men in history!

Of course everybody knows who these men are. They're all men who were instrumental in shaping the greatest book ever written -- the Dictionary!

Now I'm no psychic and don't pretend to know what others think, but what could be better than millions of kids and adults the world over being told to get my 'book' and look it up? The glory of all those hands having to crack open my book just to figure out how to spell "saywhahunh." It will also include phrases such as "what the what."

My initial list and sampling below, however, may be skewed somewhat since I'm well versed in first-grader terminology. The first edition of Phillip's Finest (the tentative name of my first dictionary) will include adult words and phrases, also.

Here is a brief list of the words you may learn about in Phillip's Finest.

axe - ask. A question, as in, "I wanna axe you a question, Mr. Haworth."

"As long as it doesn't hurt," is my usual response.

chillax - chill out, relax. While this word may have fallen out of usage somewhat, one can still hear it from time to time.

cray-cray - crazy. Usually used to describe people and, in particular, certain male teacher assistants.

flictarded - really stupid. A combination word which combines afflicted and retarded into one word in which the general badness of the person/situation transcends the horribleness of the individual words.

old - really old. A general, vague, generic term used by first-graders to describe everyone except themselves and their classmates. Ex. "Wow! You must be old (with strong emphasis on the word 'old'), Mr. Haworth!"

real - copacetic. A slang term. It seems that real is the new cool.

saywhahunh - what? Must be said quickly in order to convey the correct amount of amazement/incredulity.

uzza - what's that? roughly translated. It's a questioning phrase I hear a lot in my classrooms.

what the what - what. A general question of noncomprehension, as in "what?" However, I suspect the second "what" represents a watered down version of a potential curse word.