Car Shopping Turns Tedious

This is how it all started.

My wife, K, was busy test driving a Toyota Corolla when the above text came through. It was my sis-in-law, Kat, commenting on the choice of car that my wife was trying out.

Allow me to interpret. It means Granny Panties. She was referring to the car, of course.

Apparently, the two of them have created a system for labeling and categorizing vehicles of all makes and models. I will get to as many cars on this post as room permits, so enjoy!

Granny Panties cars include the Toyota Camry and Corolla. These are the cars that are comfortable and sensible. They may not be the prettiest to look at, but, darn it, they sure are sensible and reliable!

Commando, as in the general term one uses for going without underwear beneath one's britches, refers to Jeeps, but not just any Jeep. It mostly pertains to the older Jeeps you see with no doors, no top, mud covered with everything blowing in the breeze. There are a few older, larger trucks that fit into this category as well.

Full Size Bloomers would be cars like the Buick Century, a large majority of Cadillacs and Ford Crown Victorias, to name a few. You know. Land yachts. Need I say more?

The Mini Cooper fits firmly in the category labelled Control Top Thongs. Never heard of these? Me neither until recently. Why? Well, it's economical and good on gas, but sporty and fun all at the same time.

Tighty-whiteys are the nerdy cars. C'mon! You know what I mean. Think Volvo sedans. These are the "safe" cars. Something your accountant would probably be seen driving.

Boxers, loose and relaxed, let things fall where they may. Non-Wrangler Jeeps can be placed into this category, as can Toyota Highlanders.

Approximately 99 percent of all minivans fit squarely into the Maternity Panties category. As my sis-in-law says, face it, at some point they're simply inevitable, whether you admit it or not.

Underoos are the cars that scream "I don't wanna grow up!" I know you've seen the old man in the red convertible Camaro.

So, I leave this blog entry still "carless." What will we end up with? K won't let me embarrass myself with Underoos. I pray we're not Maternity Panties! Needless to say, we have yet to find our new car.