New, Inspired Line of Bookbags

Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Cars, Disney princesses, My Little Ponies and Monster High are some. Jansport, Nike and Airwalk are a few others.

Thanks to the innovative creators of Fuzzy, Black Dogs, we have an all new, totally different line of bookbags. We call them CeleBags!

So what's the difference between our bags and regular bookbags? CeleBags may have all the same compartments and zippers. CeleBags are made of the same sturdy material. So what makes them special? Authors!

Just think how cool your kid will be walking in to school sporting the newest Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., the C.S. Lewis or William Golding CeleBag.

You may be wondering, why authors? Why CeleBag? Simply put, authors are celebrities, too!

Take this LeBron James character, as an example. Who is this guy? Is he really somebody important? He's probably some famous tennis player, or relatively well-known sports figure of some sort.

Now take John of Garland, as a comparison. Not only did he author "Dictionarius," one of the first dictionaries, he also created the word 'dictionary.' Imagine how proud your child would be to carry his name, or perhaps Thomas Pynchon, upon his back! 

 LeBron? He could only hope to be so famous or important!

The CeleBag will come in a variety of colors and styles. CeleBags will be for kids of all ages. Best of all, CeleBags can be tailored just for you! That's right -- just give us the name of your favorite author.

The first CeleBags to roll out will be limited editions featuring me, Phillip H. Haworth, creator and celebrity author of Fuzzy, Black Dogs! Don't miss out! Order yours today.

Potentially the Greatest Book Ever Written

I've always wanted to join the ranks of the greatest of the greats. You know. People like Johannes Balbus, John of Garland, Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott, Noah Webster and George and Charles Merriam. Now THOSE are some of the great men in history!

Of course everybody knows who these men are. They're all men who were instrumental in shaping the greatest book ever written -- the Dictionary!

Now I'm no psychic and don't pretend to know what others think, but what could be better than millions of kids and adults the world over being told to get my 'book' and look it up? The glory of all those hands having to crack open my book just to figure out how to spell "saywhahunh." It will also include phrases such as "what the what."

My initial list and sampling below, however, may be skewed somewhat since I'm well versed in first-grader terminology. The first edition of Phillip's Finest (the tentative name of my first dictionary) will include adult words and phrases, also.

Here is a brief list of the words you may learn about in Phillip's Finest.

axe - ask. A question, as in, "I wanna axe you a question, Mr. Haworth."

"As long as it doesn't hurt," is my usual response.

chillax - chill out, relax. While this word may have fallen out of usage somewhat, one can still hear it from time to time.

cray-cray - crazy. Usually used to describe people and, in particular, certain male teacher assistants.

flictarded - really stupid. A combination word which combines afflicted and retarded into one word in which the general badness of the person/situation transcends the horribleness of the individual words.

old - really old. A general, vague, generic term used by first-graders to describe everyone except themselves and their classmates. Ex. "Wow! You must be old (with strong emphasis on the word 'old'), Mr. Haworth!"

real - copacetic. A slang term. It seems that real is the new cool.

saywhahunh - what? Must be said quickly in order to convey the correct amount of amazement/incredulity.

uzza - what's that? roughly translated. It's a questioning phrase I hear a lot in my classrooms.

what the what - what. A general question of noncomprehension, as in "what?" However, I suspect the second "what" represents a watered down version of a potential curse word.