Fortune Cookie Writer for Hire

Even though I love egg drop soup, I'm not a big fan of Chinese food. Despite my ambivalence towards Chinese cuisine, my family decided to partake a meal at China Capital, our usual choice for oriental fare.

Being a writer, my favorite part of the meal is, of course, the fortune cookie.

Most of the time, the messages give you some positive spin on your future, such as "Those around you enjoy your candid personality," or "You will inherit a large sum of money." These were two we received last night. Mine said something about profits following me...

There are the rare occasions that you get an interesting, or fun, fortune. Not long after we got married, my wife got the best one ever. It said, "Now you know what an unemployed copywriter does."

Why can't the fortunes be more fun and exciting like that? I'm thinking I've discovered my next career move for my writing. Fortune cookie writer would look great on my personal writing resume. Instead of calling them fortune cookies, mine will be Phil's Fun Fortune Cookies.

In fact, I've already come up with quite a few fortunes for my new venture. Here is but a small sampling:

Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!

Good thing you didn't eat the shrimp.

Hello, Kevin.

May the fleas of a thousand sweaty camels infest your armpits.

The person to your left just farted.

Anyone out there?

Don't turn around. I'm right behind you.

I'm thinking Chinese for dinner...

When you get a fortune cookie, do you read or eat first?

Did you see that?

Thanks! It sure was cramped in there.

Now what?

Do you smell something, too?

Is it safe?

You're going to write a large check and mail it to me soon.

A relative may be withholding important information from you.

What do you suppose your dogs are doing while you are eating out?

And my favorite? That's easy. Here's what it would say.

Reading and sharing Fuzzy, Black Dogs with your friends and family will only increase your health.