Reach Out and Touch Someone

Telephones and cell phones offer an infinite amount of entertainment and fun. If it wasn't for our phones, how else would we 'reach out and touch someone?'

I love to answer other people's cell phones. My wife, my family or my friends, it doesn't matter who. There have been times when someone handed me a ringing cell phone because they were just too busy to answer.

"Thank you for calling so-and-so's cell phone," I would say to the caller, using my friend's name. "This is so-and-so's personal cell phone answering service. How may I assist to you today?"

Growing up, I had a friend who would answer his home phone with, "It's your quarter." When cell phones became more common and cheaper, he answered that the same way. As cell phones became prevalent, I think he realized no one was getting the joke and he finally stopped.

One of my favorite neighbors likes to answer his cell phone with one of three responses. Those responses include "Federal Bureau of Investigation," "Homeland Security" and "Internal Revenue."

No one, and I include myself in that, can top my son's answers on his cell phone. Here is a brief list of some I can remember.

"Where's my money!" he shouted to a number he didn't recognize once.

His responses to family and friends are generally more fun and light-hearted, luckily.

"Roadkill Grille," I heard once. "You kill it, we grill it! What kin ah do fer ya?"

"Frank's Daycare and Taser Emporium. What could possibly go wrong?"

One of my favorites, however, was when his Ginga, as he calls his grandmother, called. He answered, "Don's Octopus Removal Service. Removing cephalopods from your home since 1906."