The Fuzzy, Black Dogs' Taste Test

I fairly recently had a birthday. In fact, I turned 47, thank you very much. So far so good, right? Reflecting upon that vast amount of time, I realized that, while I enjoy playing in the kitchen, I haven't always been the avid, amazing chef that I am today.

While my poor wife and son put up with a lot of my craziness, at least they don't have to suffer my cooking. I can make an excellent chicken tetrazzini. My sister-in-law particularly liked my spinach stuffed manicotti I made once. My father-in-law likes my cakes and most everyone likes my manic, mad cookie baking binges!

While I am enjoying tooting my own horn, I must admit that not everything I make is a masterpiece.

There have been some gluten free bread loaves that would make great door stops. Cardboard tastes better than some of my gluten free saltine crackers. I've made some gluten free pizza crusts that failed two out of three fuzzy, black dogs' taste test (Bob eats anything!).

And my latest cooking venture? It was simply titled Meatza Pepperoni Pizza. It's been several days since I attempted that creation -- I just can't call it a meal.

Instead of a typical bread crust, it uses ground beef in place of the crust. That's right. No bread, just meat. My recipe didn't call for anything that could be misconstrued as healthy. Instead, it called for sauce, cheese and pepperoni. Each of these ingredients simply go on top of the meat crust.

"Good gosh, Dad," my son exclaimed. "Are you trying to kill us?! What is this? Cholesterol spiking, heart attack in a cookie sheet?!"

Needless to say, I won't be going into details on the "four star" recipe we printed off the internet. I won't even bother with some of the other comments that were made, except to say that it did pass the fuzzy, black dogs' taste test.

I will say, though, that it sure looked a lot better in the picture than it did in my house!

Birthday Wish List, Replete with Addictions

Here it comes again. Just like taxes, death and fuzzy, black bleck-up hairballs, it's one of life's inevitabilities. It's my birthday. My 45th birthday. And I'm facing it head on.

I've come up with a birthday wish list, as a matter of fact. As anyone who knows me will attest, I don't do subtle. So here is my list for my family, friends and readers. Feel free to pick and choose from the list.

If you don't find anything in my list that appeals to you, I always appreciate a fine, expensive fountain pen. Waterman, Mont Blanc, Pelican or otherwise, I'm not picky.

Books. Lots and lots of books. I love to read and I now have a small list of authors of whom I've read all their books and am impatiently waiting for new ones.

I need a tuxedo. And a shoulder gun holster. And a Walther PPK. And a British accent. Then I think I could give Daniel Craig a run for his money as the next James Bond.

While I'm at it, a new car would be cool. You know... The "dream scream machine" that I have described on more than one occasion. I'm not picky, though. I'd take an Aston Martin as well.

A light saber would be cool. A real light saber, not one of those clever fakes. I could think of some good uses for a real light saber.

I'd like caffeine in a new form, please! I've quit drinking colas and sodas. Since I've quit, I've come to realize how dependent I have become on my 11:45am Diet Coke fix. Now I feel like a junkie... Give me a Diet Coke or die, bleep it!!

Speaking of addictions, I want 15 more levels of Angry Birds! At least! And Star Wars Angry Birds! And Angry Birds Space! I just need my Angry Birds and nobody gets hurt!

No worries, though. It's a healthy addiction.

Computers, Ice Scrapers & Underwear, Oh My!

My Dell Insipid has been given a new lease on life. No offense to Dell, of course, but in my household, when a computer dies for any reaon, it gets renamed. With that being said, just trust me when I say there have been some foul-named computers that have come through my home.

Thank goodness for my personal computer fix-it technician/guru, alias my brother-in-law! I'm nominating him for sainthood, and not just because he breathed life into another one of my plastic boxes filled with wires and chips and is supposed to have electrical pulses race through it to make it operate properly. He has also been installing light fixtures and ceiling fans around my home since I've started working 40 hour days.

Regardless of my suicide work schedule or computer status, I am plugging on and moving forward, sometimes one letter at a time on the trusty iPod. And speaking of status, here is an update post on some of my previous posts about which I have been questioned.

First, I want to apologize to my readers and everyone else. After writing about my problem with ice scrapers, as well as my general lack of scrapers, I received quite an influx of the little devices. This, and the fact that I was looking forward to a cold, frosty winter so I could use the scrapers, seems to have prevented us from having a cold winter. You know, kind of the same way you forget to pack a rain coat and it rains for an entire weekend vacation...

Anyway, regardless of what I've said or written about Bob, our spaniel, he has really grown on me. I won't be giving him away, getting rid of him, sending him down the stream, etc. To everyone I have promised a free dog, forget it!

For those of you who know me and have been in my white car, it's not really going to blow up! All I'll say is, it's amazing what a difference a tire can make.

And a big thank you to all of you who honk and wake me up now in the morning. My new school morning duty has me standing alone out front. Whether friendly or not, the honking and waving has helped keep me awake and paying attention.

And on one last note, thank you to my family. While my missing underwear remains just that, my family came through for me for my recent birthday (happy 44th, crazy man!) and gave me underwear. I'm glad to report that as of this post, I am not doing the wash nearly as frequently.