Fixing America One Problem at a Time

My fellow Americans. It is with a sad, heavy heart that I announce through my blog, Fuzzy, Black Dogs, that I will not be your president for the upcoming term.

I accepted my defeat gracefully and called my fellow presidential hopefuls to offer congratulations and condolences. Though I was unable to reach Obama or Romney personally, the people I spoke with assured me that they would pass along my messages. I just hope they don't call me back when I'm working with my students in the morning. That would be embarrassing!

Despite the results from last night, I'm upbeat and busy readying myself for the 2016 election. My new party, which I created myself, will be called the Priority Party. I will be called a "buffet line candidate." Allow me to explain.

My plan is really quite simple. I'll petition a random sampling of Americans to discover what issues are important to them. I will pull out 20 that I feel should be labeled 'top priority,' hence the name Priority Party.

Then I will place them neatly on a table and randomly choose 10, similar to the way you pick certain foods off of a buffet line, hence the term 'buffet line candidate.'

Really it's an ideal solution and a no-fail strategy. Your issues are my issues, provided they make it through the screening process described above, of course. Once we get those tackled and solved, who knows? Perhaps we'll go back to that issue-laden buffet line and pick some more problems to tackle.

My slogan will be just as simple -- "Fixing America one problem at a time!"