Happy Hangs Around

During the holidays, Happy is followed with the word 'Holidays.'

Approximately five years ago, as I was taking down the Christmas decorations, my son spied me taking down the words on the door frame above the French doors.

"Do we really have to take 'Happy' down," he asked. "Just because the holidays are over, does that mean happy is over too? We should keep 'Happy' up all year round."

I scoffed. I told him how ridiculous that was. 'Happy' belonged with the Christmas decorations.

Like I said, that word has been on the door frame as a gentle reminder for a little more than five years now.

Parenting Advice for Fathers: Part I

Having survived 18 years of marriage (40, according to my wife) and 15 years of fatherhood, I feel eminently qualified to dispense knowledge and advice to others who may be in my predicament. To those who are not, take my sage knowledge as a warning or guideline, your choice.

You may be wondering what makes me qualified to dispense parenting advice. Could it be because I have more children than my siblings? No, I don't. Maybe my parenting skills are better? Honestly, probably not. Perhaps I know more tips and tricks than my siblings, parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles and cousins all put together?

If you're a regular reader of Fuzzy, Black Dogs and you believe that, you don't need kids. You need a psychologist!

The reason is much more simple than any of that. Basically, I'm a parent and a writer. That's the skinny and short of it.

You may be wondering if I'm a successful parent. My one... No, two word answer -- indubitably yes. It's possible that my wife would agree with me. And my son... He's 15 and going through some 'teen phase' right now. We'll leave his opinion out of this.

No worries, I do have other credentials. Prior to attending my son's birth, in person, I went to Lamaze classes with my wife. Also, I've chatted with pregnant women and mothers. I've even gone so far as to read an entire passage from a Dr. Spock book, nearly an entire chapter of another parenting book, a few articles from some magazines (parenting magazines, of course), a few online tidbits and tips, and some dog training books! Don't laugh... The similarities are frightening!

Now that we've established my parenting credentials, be sure to look for my next installment on Fuzzy, Black Dogs. In my next parenting post, we will look at the pros and cons of actually having children.

Parenting Advice for Fathers: Part II

So you think you're ready to have a child, or children.

Considering the fact that this post is directed towards fathers, you're going to be a bit limited here, unless you are all ready married. This is also assuming you and your... Significant other have discussed the topic of offspring. Babies are not like fishing rods. You can't sneak them in past your wife.

First of all, don't worry about the number. You might say you want six kids now. But at approximately 3am one night, when the first baby has finally gone back to sleep and you're still mopping throw up off the walls and floor, that projected number will decrease considerably and quickly!

Of course, next you have to ask yourself why you want to have kids.

Perhaps you're hoping for someone to perform yard work, or someone who can drive you around town. Sadly, you have a lot of work and a long time before you get to that point. And besides, by the time the get to that point, they go through a phase where it's not cool to be near their parents.

Maybe you just want a reading buddy. Or you might want a little one, or a few, to round out the family. Maybe you even like kids and enjoy watching them learn, grow and develop.

Regardless, children of all ages get sick. Prior to 13 years old, they don't care who or what they toss their cookies on! You have to change diapers, or else they get smelly. Really smelly. Babies cry. They cry in planes, trains, cars and anywhere else morning, noon and/or night. Keep in mind that is how babies communicate.

There is much more that can be said, both positive and negative, about having children. If I've already scared you or sown serious seeds of doubt for you, then you're not ready for rugrats in your life!

If I haven't scared you off yet, then stay tuned for my next installment. We'll either chat about prepping for the baby or coming up with names, two very important topics for expectant parents!

Good Behavior Has Its Perks

I've often wondered what I'd do
if I ran the classroom...
Well, today's the day! I'm a sub!
I'll make those kids' brains bloom!

When they came in quietly,
it was obvious to see
that, already, these young children
were all enamored with me.

I greeted students. I smiled at Jeeter.
I know how this works.
"Please sit and behave," I told them nicely.
"Good behavior has its perks!"

The first assignment for today?
"Let's see how well you write!"
But later, as I walked the desks,
I spied gleaming pages of white.

"My pencil's broke!" "My elbow hurts!"
"Hey! Jeeter took my pencil!"
How much trouble would there be
if Jeeter's head should meet a stencil?

I shook it off and told myself,
'I'm the teacher. I'm in charge.
I think I could be just as good
as their teacher, Miss LeBarge!'

We transitioned oh so smoothly
into guided reading,
until I noticed Jeeter was gone
and Brianna's arm was bleeding!

As I began to really panic,
full-blown stress took over.
I stopped the bleeding and Jeeter
came back, thanks to Mrs. Clover!

It took all of specials and recess
to pull myself together.
And then I noticed Cindy's gone!
Is she testing? Did I forget her?

Have I mentioned that Jeeter's gone nuts
as we tried to coast into math?
I'd have preferred some literature
like teacher's "Grapes of Wrath."

Then we eased uneasily into
something called 'team time,'
which I affectionately refer to
as the final downhill climb!

Now Carmella's locked in the bathroom
and Jeeter's screaming on the rug.
All I can do is heave a sigh
and reach for my travel mug.

Water?! Oh, Lord, please help me!
Make something stronger in my cup.
As the day's end slowly approaches,
I yell, "Jeeter! Just shut up!"