New, Inspired Line of Bookbags

Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Cars, Disney princesses, My Little Ponies and Monster High are some. Jansport, Nike and Airwalk are a few others.

Thanks to the innovative creators of Fuzzy, Black Dogs, we have an all new, totally different line of bookbags. We call them CeleBags!

So what's the difference between our bags and regular bookbags? CeleBags may have all the same compartments and zippers. CeleBags are made of the same sturdy material. So what makes them special? Authors!

Just think how cool your kid will be walking in to school sporting the newest Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., the C.S. Lewis or William Golding CeleBag.

You may be wondering, why authors? Why CeleBag? Simply put, authors are celebrities, too!

Take this LeBron James character, as an example. Who is this guy? Is he really somebody important? He's probably some famous tennis player, or relatively well-known sports figure of some sort.

Now take John of Garland, as a comparison. Not only did he author "Dictionarius," one of the first dictionaries, he also created the word 'dictionary.' Imagine how proud your child would be to carry his name, or perhaps Thomas Pynchon, upon his back! 

 LeBron? He could only hope to be so famous or important!

The CeleBag will come in a variety of colors and styles. CeleBags will be for kids of all ages. Best of all, CeleBags can be tailored just for you! That's right -- just give us the name of your favorite author.

The first CeleBags to roll out will be limited editions featuring me, Phillip H. Haworth, creator and celebrity author of Fuzzy, Black Dogs! Don't miss out! Order yours today.

What Do Skilled Writers Do?

I sometimes like to help my wife grade her students' work, though she won't let me touch the English papers. I'm not sure why. If you don't mark everything (and I mean everything), how will they learn?

Regardless, we're only four weeks into the school year and I've already received quite the education from both her kids and mine.

My wife went down. Last year, she taught fourth-graders. This year she is teaching second grade, and she's very thankful for that. Me? I went up. I am now working with third, fourth and fifth grades.

So it was no surprise that I found myself helping out by grading my wife's second grade math papers. You know, kids are great. Their answers may not always be correct, per se, but sometimes they are really pretty accurate.

Here are just a few of the questions from the papers I graded.

What is the value of three dimes, one nickel and three pennies? The answer given -- Monday. 

Wow! Nailed it! Mondays are pretty worthless.

What is two days before Saturday? The answer given -- Monday.

Another asked what is two days after Monday? The answer given -- Friday.

Wishful thinking, kiddos. Wishful thinking.

While I've also learned a bit from my upper grades, my favorite thing is a poster in one of my fifth grade classes. It's titled (not entitled - English lesson!) "What do SKILLED writers do?" Each student wrote on it what they thought skilled writers do.

Here's a brief sample of their contributions.

[Skilled writers] Take neat notes.

[Skilled writers] Use action words.

They make books.

They use gramer.

[Skilled writers are] Storyiers for people to read.

And my personal favorite:

they wriite flawlessley...  I guess...

I'm currently working on my next flawless blog post. It will be neat, since I'll compose it on the computer. It will also include some action words.

C25K in the Rain? No Way!

I shouldn't be divulging secret identities, especially within my family. Regardless, I'm going to anyway. It's my son. He's Aquaman.

I should mention here that I don't particularly care for rain or rainy days. Allow me to add that I used to be a swimmer, so I just don't like to get wet. So, C25K in the rain? No way!

It should also be mentioned that my son enjoys waking up early as much as I did when I was 16. And he's just about as friendly as my younger self was, although I think I was a little nicer.

Anyway, I woke him up to run with me Monday morning. I looked out the door. Rain, ugh. I told him to go back to bed "cause I don't run in the rain. It makes you wet."

My son jumped -- literally -- from his bed. Yes, it was a first. He dashed to the front door. He stepped out in the rain and his face lit up like a six-year-old on Christmas morning.

"Oh such glorious weather," he announced. "Why wouldn't we run? Are you crazy?!"

Against my wishes and better judgment, I allowed my lunatic teenager to drag me out the door into that wet, nasty morning.

Normally, within the first three running minutes, he's dying as my energy starts revving. But as the rain pitter-pattered upon his skin, Aquaman was only getting started.

Halfway through that horrendous run, I suffered a brief hallucination where I was 16 and my son transformed into my father, extolling the health virtues and character-building traits of running through a monsoon-like rainstorm.

I did finish the run. I managed to keep the grumbling to a minimum. And, just for the record, despite what Aquaman says, I do not suffer from seasonal bipolar disorder!

The Pop-Tarts Caper

It was only the second day of school and we already had a major problem on our hands. The Pop-Tarts had gone missing!

Here's the basic, pertinent information, in a nutshell.

They moved the machine from the snack room to make room for Mr. Haworth. Hey! That's me! Where did they put it? In the first grade wing, of course. That actually made the most sense. 

The other snack machine also has Pop-Tarts, sometimes. That machine, however, doesn't always dispense them correctly. It only releases the cheaper snacks, literally.

Please keep in mind that Pop-Tarts are, quite possibly, the most amazing breakfast food ever. You can eat them hot or cold. You can eat them while you're driving, walking or performing your morning duty. They come in a variety of colors and flavors. And, best of all, the Pop-Tarts company infused vitamins and stuff in them to make them healthy!

Imagine my surprise when I got to the first grade wing that second day for my happy, healthy breakfast and, gasp, no Pop-Tarts!

Note, if you will, the obvious hole in an otherwise full snack machine.

I was most distraught. I began grumbling about the first grade and kindergarten teachers eating all my Pop-Tarts. Although, I suppose they deserve happy, healthy breakfasts, too.

Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, of course. On night two, Mr. Haworth, aka, the creator of Fuzzy, Black Dogs, actually sojourned to the grocery store and parked the car. He marched straight to the breakfast aisle and purchased said Pop-Tarts. End of story and problem solved. Or was it?

Someone who shall remain nameless obviously has a self-control issue concerning Pop-Tarts. This explains the reason why they are kept safe in a metal and glass enclosure.