Selfies Best Left to the Young

I've shot people. I've shot animals. I've shot nature. I've even shot a couple of weddings. I took a lot of my own photographs at the newspapers at which I've worked. I have even received advice from two award-winning photographers and won an award (an honorable mention, in fact) myself. But, try as I might, I simply cannot seem to take an acceptable selfie.



Me, enjoying my morning coffee.



A 'selfie' is a photo that you take of yourself, by yourself. One generally takes a selfie with a cell phone camera. I can attest to the difficulty of taking a selfie with a digital SLR, let alone a regular SLR.



Me, sitting on the front porch.



You can add others to your selfie, if you so choose. In doing so, you are no longer taking a selfie. You are now taking a 'groupie.' If we're keeping our pronoun suffix consistent, we should be calling it a 'selvie.' Or, perhaps, 'selvesie.'

Regardless of my futile attempt to grammatically correct slang terms, the fact remains that I have yet to take a successful selfie. Please note the examples placed within this post.



Me, feeding the dogs.

I've even attempted some selfies with my wife, who is generally more tech savvy than myself. Those attempts failed as well, most likely through no fault of hers!

My wife and I.

I decided to throw in the towel and call on the experts. Approximately seven how to internet articles later, I announced that I knew exactly what to do to finally take the perfect selfie. Needless to say, I followed their directions to the letter and, viola! I got the perfectly centered and composed photograph of me and my wife that you see here.

Now if someone could please tell me how to activate the flash on this stinking cell phone, I might be able to take a decent selfie!