My 2012 New Year's Resolutions

That time of year has come again. The end of one year and the beginning of the next. Duh. Regardless, I always feel compelled to follow the generally accepted New Year's traditions, which includes eating certain foods and making my own personal list of resolutions.

It seems I always follow the food tradition of pork, cooked greens and black-eyed peas. I didn't even know about this tradition until after I got married and my wife told me about it. Her mother and her mother's mother backed her up, so I knew it had to be true. However, I've found the stomach aches I've given myself over too much cooked greens every year for the past eight years hasn't brought me financial prosperity. Maybe this year will be the year. I'll eat 'em again this year.

I'm already taking stock of my successes and foibles; my attempts and failures; and my life in general throughout the past year. While I haven't come up with any grand pearls of wisdom, I have come up with a grand list of resolutions. Here is a sampling of my New Year's Resolutions for the year 2012:

1. I resolve to NOT collect any more fuzzy, black dogs (or any other color or type of dog). Three is enough!
2. I resolve to try to be nicer to my son's friend Ann. And I really will try...
3. I resolve to not use the same resolution I've used now for approximately five years. That would be "I, Phillip Haworth, resolve to take the New Year one day at a time, striving to do my best daily by compounding upon the knowledge I've gained in the days previous and adding to it the knowledge I acquired more recently."
4. I resolve to quit being goofy. Okay, I'm lying on that one.
5. I resolve to try to quit manipulating the English language for personal gains. (The fish I caught *is about 10 pounds!)
6. I resolve to never again used an electrical food processor.
7. I resolve to try not to make fun of Kat's odd little dog, Bear.
8. I resolve to take better, more professional photos than my 14 year-old son!
9. I resolve to continue to be the wonderful, loving husband I think my wife thinks I am.
10. I resolve to outcook (or try to, anyway) Ann's mom in the next chili cook-off!
11. I resolve to try to be the amazing person Frannie, my mother-in-law, believes me to be.
12. I resolve to have a personal photographer on ALL my fishing outings.
13. I resolve to drink... Not drink... Drink...  Nevermind. We'll come back to that one.
14. I resolve to try not to get into any more gift wrap tube duels with my son. He's quick.
15. I resolve to be nicer to the woman at the drive thru at the KK who can't audibly undertand the difference between the words "coffee" and "mocha."
16. I resolve to not collect any fuzzy, black cats, or fuzzy, white cats, or even the fuzzy, black and white cats who seem to have taken up permanent residence on my front porch!
18. I resolve to try to make shorter blog posts throughout the next year.
19. I resolve to make shorter lists that don't go on so long.
20. I resolve to never... Oh, yeah -- shorter list

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

*Note the use of present tense. I catch and release. It was probably not quite a pound when I originally caught it and I am going under the assumption that the fish in question is still possibly alive and thriving.