Weight Loss Made Easy

The struggle is real. Many people suffer the self-inflicted torture of counting calories or fat grams, choosing the South Beach, Atkins or some other diet plan, or just deciding on how many tasty freeze pops they can eat in a single night. I know I do!

Personally, I use a Fitbit Blaze to help me count calories in order to stay healthy and lose weight. So far, it has worked phenomenally well! Maybe a little too well. Recently, it told me four French twists, or cream horns (or whatever you want to call them!), contain 1,380 calories!

Beware, though, users of Fitbits! Large calorie items sometimes get deleted out of the Fitbit app on your cell phone. Perhaps my phone didn't have enough memory to store all those calories in my calorie diary. I'll be looking into that. Again.

Regardless, I've come to the realization that I've been going about this health kick, weight loss program all wrong. The true key to weight loss is your scale that you use!

The Randomizer, in all its glory!

I came home from a week long vacation the other day worried about my numbers due to all the junk I ate. I put off getting on the scale until the following morning. Imagine my surprise when I saw, displayed in the little screen, the number 188.6. Holy smokes! I was down about three pounds from my pre-vacation weight! Wow! How amazing am I?

That's when I made a serious mistake. I thought, 'I'll just step on it one more time just to make certain.' Imagine my surprise when the number 202.2 pops up. I stepped on it three more times within a two minute period and spied 197.8, 192.5 and 199.3.

I have since come up with a name for my scale. I call him the Randomizer.

My newest weight loss plan? I'll simply continue using Randomizer, my sometimes weight-friendly scale. However, I'll only enter my weight into my app when a number comes up lower than the previous number I entered.

I'm hoping for a good number tomorrow morning!

Phillip's Freeze Pop Diet

I've discovered a wonderful, new diet. It's affordable and easy and there are no specialty meals that you have to buy. You don't have to count calories. You don't even have to set foot on the scales. In fact, I suggest that you don't. I call it Phillip's Freeze Pop Diet.

That's right. Move over South Beach Diet and Atkins. Watch out SugarBusters! This will be the biggest new fad in eating and dieting.

(Insert gorgeous spokesmodels here.)
"Wow," says hot celebrity number one to number two. "You look so... Unbelievable!"
"I know," says hot celebrity number two. "And to think that I owe it all to Phillip's Freeze Pop Diet. It's the newest thing, you know."

The advantages to the freeze pop diet are too numerous to fully list in a single blog post. However, I can tell you that they're cheap. You get a whole bunch in a mesh bag for only a few dollars! Compare that to a South Beach frozen meal you get in the grocery store.

They come in a variety of colors and flavors. There's orange, red, yellow, green and blue. Those aren't just colors, they're flavors, too! They even come in orangey-yellow, light and darker green, pink, reddish-orange and an off-white which tastes remarkably similar to Pina Colada.
The freeze pops are incredibly versatile. They're good before, during and after meals. Hungry? Hmm... Grab a freeze pop from the freezer and you're good to go!

Some freeze pops are even healthy for you. Once, I found a package of specialty freeze pops that, according the packaging, are from real fruit juice. They even claimed on the packaging that they contained vitamin C!

The thing I personally like most about freeze pops is that they're practical. Run out of ice? Break up a freeze pop and drop it into your drink. Flavored ice. Bee sting? Keep it in its plastic sleeve and apply it directly to the swollen area. Run out of drink? Melt it down and, voila, you have a fruity drink in a plastic sleeve!

I personally find that a freeze pop with breakfast, in lieu of my morning coffee, wakes me up pretty well. I mean, face it, nothing says summer like a freeze pop for breakfast. Or you could even add alcohol for your summer fun. You know, a little rum and your Pina Colada flavor freeze pop... Not too shabby.

However, getting back to the diet plan, here's what you. Eat one freeze pop after breakfast, one after lunch and one, maybe two, after dinner. Not able to eat one of those meals? Don't worry about the meal itself, just grab a freeze pop and you're good to go. You're on your way to a happier you!

On an unrelated note, I suspect my fuzzy, black dogs have gotten hold of my scales. It's not displaying my weight correctly and the number seems to change on a daily basis. My next post may be all about my search for a new dog-proof, accurate scale. After all, the numbers should be going down, not up, on the freeze pop diet.

Phillip's Holiday Eating Guide

I'm a man of many hats... Father, husband, son, uncle, in-home sick care provider, cook, bill payer, lawn maintenance provider, home maintenance provider, general car fix-it guy, chauffeur... Okay. You get the picture. However, today I'm going to try on a new hat -- self-help diet guru!

What better way to try out my newest title than to help my readers through this troubled time (known as the Holiday Season!) with my vast and incredible knowledge about food and general dietary needs. Let's start with a brief quiz.

The food you are eating these days...
1. Is it sweet?
2. Is it salty?
3. Can you eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner?
4. Does it come individually wrapped?
5. Do you inexplicably crave it at seemingly random times of the day and/or night?
6. Does it contain chocolate in any way, shape or form?
7. Is it fun to eat?
8. Would your (or any, if you don't have one) ten year-old son eat it?
9. Would dogs, cats, ferrets, parakeets or iguanas eat it if it is left out?
10. Can it be described as yummy, tasty or "Mmmmm-that-is-heavenly!"?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the questions above, it's probably not something healthy to eat. If you answered 'Yes' to all of them, then I know it's not something healthy to eat and might cause you to gain a little holiday weight.

In years past, before I was married, I listened to my mother and 'stuck with green stuff.' In light of my holiday diet in years past, however, she has since rescinded that comment. Apparently, she was not referring to the little tree-shaped cookies with the the green icing, or the green M&M's, or green gummies, or green jelly beans, or... Well, you get the idea.

Keeping all this in mind, you have only two options open to you as far as what you can eat throughout this holiday season. The first would be plain, uncooked oatmeal straight out of the box. That means you can't put butter, salt, syrup, sugar or any flavoring on it. The second would be Brussel sprouts. They're green AND supposed to be healthy for you, though I've never actually witnessed anyone besides my mother consume one.

And there you have it! Just stick with Phillip's Famous Holiday Eating Plan and by the time January 1st rolls around, you'll be a leaner, meaner and more fit you! Happy eating and happy holidays!