Men, Women, and Foreign Objects

I have extensive knowledge on the subject of women. I grew up the middle child between two girls. I've been married for nearly 21 years. Trust me... I know stuff!

The most important thing that any guy needs to know about women is that they don't like foreign, unsightly, or out-of-place objects. Allow me to elaborate with a simple test.

Study, if you will, the photo above. Then proceed to the multiple choice answers listed below. While there may be more than one correct answer, you may pick only one.

A. Wow! This dude can't even take a decent selfie. Perhaps there's something wrong with him...

B. Hmm... I don't see anything wrong with this photo. Whatever.

C. Goodness. That's a long hair. He should probably cut it.

D. OMG! Foreign object alert! Somebody, quick, hand me the tweezers and stand back! 

If you picked A, that means you're a guy and you're only half correct. While I may not be the best selfie taker, I'm a pretty well adjusted, with-it, and swell kind of guy! Really!

If you picked B, you are, without a doubt, a guy. And you're right! There's really nothing... Too wrong about this photo.

If you picked C, your powers of observation are impressive. However, define long. Now define too long. Also, if I cut it, wouldn't another just grow out to take its place? Just some questions to ponder...

If you picked D, no doubt about it, you're a woman, plain and simple. This is okay, of course, because oftentimes men need women in their lives to take of these types of things.

My wife eradicated the "offending foreign object" last night with a pair of tweezers and extreme prejudice!

To my wife, and all women out there, men aren't weenies. It really does hurt, and for more than just a second, too! I nearly called in sick to my school due to the excruciating pain I felt upon waking...

Slightly Less Fuzzy, Black Dog

We've created a new plan in the Haworth household. It's pretty simple, as the best plans generally are. To get straight to the point, we will be "improving" the three quadrupeds that currently inhabit my home. One down, two to go.

As things turn out, Bob was to be the first victim.

As you can see from the photos, we've turned Bob into a brand new dog! He's been de-stinked, de-furred and completely de-fluffed. And, voila, new dog! Or Bob 2.0, as I like to call him now.





Before, days after we first got Bob.

 





After, or Bob 2.0. Notice the happy face.

The unusual smell within my house has magically disappeared, much like Bob's massive amount of fur. The black tumbleweeds that sometimes decorate my home have decreased as well.

The next victim will be Ace. I may be attempting to take care of Lilly myself. Ironically, she's the only one that scares me since she'd be most likely to bite me.

As soon as I get all three of them all groomed, I'll be posting a new photo at the top of my blog. Perhaps I'll have to rename it, too. 

I'm thinking Furry, Black Dogs or Three Black Dogs. If I'm going for accuracy, though, Three Angry, Cold Dogs might be more appropriate.