Twitter for Twerps

As a father and an old man (according to my son), I detest social media. But, as a writer, I've had to learn to embrace it. Now, through my own attempts at marketing and advertising Fuzzy, Black Dogs, it seems I've become somewhat of an expert in that area.

There are lots of social media platforms out there. In fact, the number of types of social media surpasses the number of pairs of socks that I own. Like I said, lots.

I have to admit to favoring Twitter, and not just because I blogged once about how to conjugate it. I've since found out that the people who utilize and can be found on Twitter aren't Twerps. They're Tweeps. Sorry about that, Tweeps!

That may explain my lack of followers.

Regardless of what Tweeters are called, I am proficient in Tweetland. Twitterland. Twerp... Whoops -- Tweepville. Anyway, to date, I have Tweeted, Bleated and Blundered. 

However, I nearly strayed from my intended topic. Getting back on track, here is but a handful of social medias and how I have learned to interact with them. Or on them. Whichever.

Most older folks have trouble with Vine. Not me. I proficiently Vine, Whine, Grape and Raisin. I've been known to Snapchat and Claptalk. Not only do I Facebook, but I Sleepwalk and am good friends with Ed Modo.

I Pinterest with both interest and enthusiasm! I YouTube, Innertube and Jiffy Lube!

On top of all that, I Google and Bing. Yahoo! But my 16 year-old told me not to celebrate my social media knowledge too soon. He informed me those are search engines. Search what?!

Sometimes, every now and again, I just get tired of trying to keep up with all the social media. When that happens, I just throw up my hands and yell, "Oh, Instagrammit!"

Reach Out and Touch Someone

I ran into an old friend of mine recently. I gave him one of my Fuzzy, Black Dogs cards and told him he could find me on Facebook.

"I actually don't do Facebook," he said. I detected a note of pride in his voice.

"I'm on Twitter, too," I ventured.

"Nope," he responded. I did detect some pride. "I'm not on any social media."

Not on any social media? Good gosh! Is he crazy? What is he thinking?!

I've recently joined both Pinterest and Tumblr. I'm not sure what I'm doing on Pinterest, quite honestly. 

And Tumblr? I don't do much there, either. I do follow my son, though, and that hasn't made me any wiser. I also follow some guy who posts the most beautiful outdoor photos. I'm happy with that. I enjoy the photos.

I've actually looked into a few other forums, like Instagram, Vine and Edmoto. None of them, however, make any sense to me. Don't look. You won't find me there.

I pondered on his choice for the rest of that evening. Good gosh! He may as well be off the grid, so to speak!

Think about that a moment. How will he see the 2,149th picture of little Tommy riding his trike? How will he know where his family is going for Easter? How will he even know when I've created a new post on Fuzzy, Black Dogs? Gasp!

And what does he do with his time? Read books and newspapers? Work around the house? Spend quality time with his family, sans digital devices? Talk about extreme...

I mean, how will people find him or even get in touch with him to let him know when his 30th high school reunion will be?

He must not realize the stress he's put on everyone else. In order to reach him, we'd have to dial a number or actually (shudder) go to his house. Or else we would have to... Have to...

Well, yeah. Put pen to paper! There! I said it! Please, dude! Don't make us do something so 20th Century!

P.S. I tried to contact him to warn him about this blog post, but he wasn't on Facebook!