It took a barrage of medical tests to determine that I was running a temperature and regurgitating for seemingly no reason. I am happy to announce that I've managed to shake off all illnesses, imagined or otherwise, and am currently in good health, as best I know.
Sadly, though, we are not all in good health in my happy, little household.
Mr. Volvo, who has actually been ailing for quite some time, is currently in a coma at the side of my house. His pacemaker, or alternator if you're a mechanic, simply gave out.
My car showed me that it cared by waiting until I was in the middle of nowhere. That's when it kicked the bucket and began powering down. I was trucking down an unlit, two-lane road in Randolph County at the time. I managed to push the dead vehicle the last 50 yards safely into a parking lot.
My school has already proved to be no exception to the weird epidemic that seems to be going on around me.
Car rider line has proven to be a dangerous venture these days. One parent tried to nail me with his car this past week! Luckily, metal and concrete pole number one performed its job remarkably well. It brought the car to an abrupt stop.
It was mentioned later that the driver was merely trying to avoid the speed bump and 'accidentally' hit the pole. That scenario is possible. However, my writer instincts tell me he was aiming for the deceptively handsome first grade teacher assistant.
The epidemic of weird has spread to the fuzzy, black dogs, as well.
Lilly, our littlest fluffball, disappeared recently. She was in the house when my son and I left. But, when we returned, she was gone.
We looked outside. We looked inside, both upstairs and down. My wife even joined in the search since Lilly is considered 'her' dog. (We each have our own assigned dog, of course.) I looked in the kitchen cabinets while my son looked under the sofa.
I ran a quick assessment of the situation. We obviously didn't see her. It seemed like we could smell her, but then my entire house sometimes smells like a dog. While I've never shown any psychic tendencies, I just felt she was near. Perhaps what I was experiencing was a psychotic moment, instead.
"I hear her," my wife yelled. "I hear her! She's in the laundry room!"
Women! Obviously the dog wasn't in the laundry room! That's where we keep the dogs when we're not home. I had looked there first. No dog.
Simply laughable. If the crazy dog was in the laundry room, she would have had to have been in the...
It was a tight squeeze, but it only took me 15 minutes to safely pull the little dog out of the upright washing machine.
All I can say is that 2014 can only get better from here!
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