Another Desperate Attempt at Coolness

Hands up, everyone! I'm passing out imaginary high fives to all of you in the wake of my most recent "cool" accomplishment. Pardon my lack of modesty, but I still have what it takes at 43 years old to make it to the top of a 55 foot vertical ascent. Don't let the fact that it was a fabricated rock wall fool you. It was a difficult climb. There were several children, whose ages I won't disclose here, who simply didn't make it.

As I reached the bottom, I noticed I had my 13-year-old son's rapt attention. I imagine it was probably pretty special for him to see his dear old dad tackling such an insurmountable task. I gave him my most charming smile, trying hard not to gasp and wheeze.

"What'd you think of that, buddy," I said, seeing the admiration, adoration and wonderment in my child's eyes.

"Umm," he said. "Good job, Dad. You just barely managed to beat that seven-year-old to the top of the wall. How much of a head start did you have on her, anyway?"

I turned to one of my son's best friends, Ann. Surely I would get some encouragement and positive feedback from her. I suspect she admires me and looks up to me as a role model.

"Really, Mr. Phillip," she said. "I'm impressed you made it to the top. But if you're just trying to be cool again, you kinda fell short when you landed on your butt instead of your feet. Yes, I did see that!"

Wow, these kids are tough. Maybe I'll have to get back into shape and tackle a real rock climb that exceeds 55 feet like I did when I was a teenager. Certainly I could reclaim my original air of "coolness" that way. I'll start a strict dieting and training regimen tomorrow. Now if I can just find a sticky note to help me remember that...