Dinner Planning Made Easy

When I was younger, weekends were all about fishing, partying, eating and doing wild and crazy things! Now that I'm older, my weekends have turned into planning, laundry, cleaning and grocery store runs.

I like to think of myself as a professional grocery store shopper. I plan out my weekly meals (with my wife's help, of course!). As you can see from the diagram below, a lot of thought goes into the creation of a weekly menu at my house.

A glimpse into the insanity of genius, or something like that!

I diligently go through my kitchen as I make my grocery list to make sure I don't purchase anything I don't already have.

Like rice. One week, following my grocery run, I discovered I had three bags of rice! And I had just purchased another bag! Seriously, four 2 pound bags of rice might be just a little over the top. But I digress...

I list. I count. I mark. I strike through some items. I make notes on other items. I would take a picture of a typical grocery list, but viewings of my lists have cause textual blindness in the viewers. Don't ask. It's not pretty.

Regardless, I've been known to rewrite one list as many as four times. Even then, something always seems to get left off or forgotten.

I must admit that if grocery shopping was an Olympic sport, I probably wouldn't even qualify.

I still don't organize my shopping by sales, stores and coupons. My wife won't let me. She says five hours is too long for a single grocery run. Pure silliness!

DeflateGate? No. CartGate!

"Honey," my wife said as we entered the store that I not-so-affectionately refer to as Wally World. "This cart is all wonkee. How about getting me another one?"

The offending wonkee wheel!

Some alien has obviously burrowed deep within my wife's brain and has detrimentally impaired her cognitive abilities!

When it comes to shopping carts -- whether at grocery stores, department stores, home improvement or any stores -- I have the worst luck with carts.

As the retriever of the household groceries, I have a considerable collection of pretty scary cart stories. In order to spare my readers, I will relay but one of these stories.

It was at my local grocery store several months back. I nonchalantly picked the nearest cart and headed toward produce. Ka-whomp. Ka-whomp. Ka-whomp.

I pushed the cart to the side. I went back for another and was heading for produce when ka-swish to the left. Ka-swish left. Ka-swish left. I ditched it as well.

I imagine you've heard the adage 'third time's a charm'? Well, it most certainly was. That is, until it came to a jarring halt and I nearly pitched head first into the cart!

Fearing for my health, I refused to get a fourth.

Perhaps now you may understand my reluctance towards picking out a better shopping cart. So I devised an immediate plan.

I observed three people returning carts. I analyzed their faces and their carts. I made a quick choice and pounced, scoring what I believed to be the best rolling cart out of the lot.

Did my plan work? Well, I got no complaints from my wife.