Expert Tips and Advice on Dieting

One of the most popular New Year resolutions people make is to lose weight. I think I've actually made that resolution before. Maybe.

This, of course, explains why you see so many articles lately, online and elsewhere, about various aspects of weight loss. Some tout the virtues of weight loss. Some tell you how to do it. Some tell you how not to do it. Some tell you how to think, be or act in order to do it. Some even tell you how to do it psychologically. Hmmmm...

I've yet to see an article on where to find it once you've lost it. I usually find mine lurking in a dark corner of my bedroom. It's obedient, though, and usually comes back.

Regardless of whether or not you've resolved to lose weight, here are my expert tips and advice on weight loss.

The freeze pop diet is still a work in progress. I think that, in order to make it work, I may have to switch to healthier freeze pops instead of the generic, sugary store brands.

I've also experimented on the collard green diet. Though collard greens are healthy, I advise against this one simply because of the gastronomical effects and the 'outcome.' It's not pretty. Nor is it conducive to others wanting to remain in the immediate vicinity of the collard green over-eater!

Glory collard greens? Simply the best!

I'm currently working on a Pop-Tarts diet. I've been working on this one for quite some time. It's still a work in progress.

I've heard good things about hiring a personal trainer. Unfortunately, that means I'd have to clean my house and -- gasp! -- keep it clean. That's a lot of exercise in and of itself. Also, I can't find a free personal trainer.

Workout videos work well for some. However, the few times I've tried them, my dogs seem to think I'm trying to play with them and crawl on me like a toy.

I've been afraid to try dancing. I worry that the neighbors will call 911, thinking that I may be having seizures. Or else assume that my fuzzy, black dogs have finally turned on me and are trying to maul me within the confines of my own home.

My father, who is an actual medical doctor (hence the M.D. after his name), suggested I eat less and exercise. He also told me to cut out some of the food he perceives as 'junk.'

Leave it to a medical practitioner to come up with such a crazy, radical idea! Chocolate does contain antioxidants. Potato chips and French fries come from potatoes. Peanut butter cups contain protein. And don't gummy bears now have vitamin C?