Happy Thanksgiving From the 5K Turkey

To 5K or not to 5K, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows...

Honestly, I did suffer some sharp, shooting pains up my shins this morning at the Thanksgiving 5K Fun Run in Lexington, NC. Scratch the run part since I actually had to walk part of the 5K!

For some reason, I thought it would be fun to wake up very early on Thanksgiving morning and run slightly more than three miles in a slight drizzle with 100 or so similarly insane people.

Despite the fact that I am currently falling to pieces, we did manage to have fun this morning. I think. We all finished and I don't think they had to scrape anyone off the road.

Regardless, so far so good this Thanksgiving Day. The 5K turkey (pictured below) and I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving! Gobble, gobble!

Missing: One Christmas Tree Top

It is approximately two feet tall, is green (same green as the photo above), looks evergreenish and is made of metal and plastic on account of the fact that my poor son is allergic to real, live Christmas trees.

So how, exactly, does one lose one-third of a Christmas tree when the entire thing was put up at the same time, in the same place by only one person? My only answer is this -- with great skill!

My only other explanation is that someone, missing a tree top themselves, broke into my house and took my tree top. Filthy, rotten scoundrel! I may have to fire my fuzzy, black dogs and get a fuzzy, black Rottweiler!

Stealers Set to Take Superbowl

We are well into November and everyone knows what that means -- football! That's right, we're in the thick of football season and everyone is making predictions, including me.

This may sound like blaspheme to some, but I don't normally keep up with football. In fact, I couldn't tell you who won the last Super Bowl, or even the two teams who played in it.  I can, though, tell you they had some pretty good commercials. And I do remember some half-time shows, wardrobe malfunctions and all.

Regardless, I have studied the ins and outs of football during the last few days. Here are my observations and  predictions for the rest of the season.

First of all, NFL stands for National Football League and AFL stands for American Football League. Some teams belong to one league, while others belong... Well, to the other. Duh!

Secondly, football is a sport where you are not allowed to touch the ball with your hands.

Wait! Scratch that... That is football to the rest of the world, otherwise known as soccer. On this side of the pond, football is a sport where a ball can be kicked, thrown, fumbled, passed or run by a bunch of guys wearing enough padding to protect them from a charging rhino.

Anyway, we have all these teams out there pounding and beating on each other, vying to be the top two teams to beat on each other in the final bout known simply as the Super Bowl. And what does the winner of that get? Cuts, scrapes, sprains, bruises, broken bones, an occasional Gatorade dunking and a little trophy.

Oh yeah! My wife just reminded me that they also get these little rings, as well as trips to Disney World. Is that part of the winning package?

But, again, I digress. In a nutshell, the Pittsburgh Stealers will take the whole thing. My reasoning is simple.

The Dolphins are all wet. The Bengals, as we all know, are close to extinction. The Buccaneers' ship has sailed. The Redskins are experiencing an uprising because, I think, they don't like being called Redskins. The Panthers have been poached. And the Chargers? They're maxed out.

While there's a plethora of other potential pigskin potentates out there, the Stealers...

I've just been informed by my wife that its Steelers, as in metal. Not Stealers, as in thievery. Makes sense due to the steel factories in and around Pittsburgh.

Oh great. Back to the drawing board!

Twitter for Twerps

As a father and an old man (according to my son), I detest social media. But, as a writer, I've had to learn to embrace it. Now, through my own attempts at marketing and advertising Fuzzy, Black Dogs, it seems I've become somewhat of an expert in that area.

There are lots of social media platforms out there. In fact, the number of types of social media surpasses the number of pairs of socks that I own. Like I said, lots.

I have to admit to favoring Twitter, and not just because I blogged once about how to conjugate it. I've since found out that the people who utilize and can be found on Twitter aren't Twerps. They're Tweeps. Sorry about that, Tweeps!

That may explain my lack of followers.

Regardless of what Tweeters are called, I am proficient in Tweetland. Twitterland. Twerp... Whoops -- Tweepville. Anyway, to date, I have Tweeted, Bleated and Blundered. 

However, I nearly strayed from my intended topic. Getting back on track, here is but a handful of social medias and how I have learned to interact with them. Or on them. Whichever.

Most older folks have trouble with Vine. Not me. I proficiently Vine, Whine, Grape and Raisin. I've been known to Snapchat and Claptalk. Not only do I Facebook, but I Sleepwalk and am good friends with Ed Modo.

I Pinterest with both interest and enthusiasm! I YouTube, Innertube and Jiffy Lube!

On top of all that, I Google and Bing. Yahoo! But my 16 year-old told me not to celebrate my social media knowledge too soon. He informed me those are search engines. Search what?!

Sometimes, every now and again, I just get tired of trying to keep up with all the social media. When that happens, I just throw up my hands and yell, "Oh, Instagrammit!"