Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's Off to...

It's that time of year for my family's annual beach pilgrimage to Kiawah Island. We usually partake this trip under the guise of a vacation.

I always look forward to these trips, but I'm even more excited about it this year than usual. Due to strange events that have happened previously, certain precautions will be taken.

Take the beer, for example. Last year, the Coronas I purchased shrunk down to Coronitas at the North/South Carolina border (see the related blog post from July last year!). I've switched cars and put a safety aura around my Volvo. That should fix it!

There was an issue with a large pack of peanut M&M's I tried to sneak in the house, too. Originally, it was determined they disappeared about the same time that the beer shrank. Then there was a question concerning pilferage within the family ranks.

Those M&M's did finally appear after the vacation. I don't quite recall where they were located, but, having spent the better part of a hot week in a vehicle, they were NOT in good shape.

Also, this crazy group of individuals I call my family simply doesn't understand the true wealth of knowledge I possess. I diligently try to impart this knowledge upon them, but they don't listen.

One year, a bag of chips went missing. I told them it wasn't me, but they didn't listen. I told them they could cool the pool with the faulty heater with ice. They either didn't listen, or didn't believe me. Funny, it was never determined who mistakenly cut the pool heater on that July.

I've even told them -- for years -- how to repel mosquitoes naturally. It's simple. You just don't shower.

I took it a step further one year and demonstrated how well this worked. I am happy to tell you that I was the only family member who didn't complain about the mosquitoes.

Not only did my family not listen to me that year, they wouldn't sit near me either! Unless I was immersed in the pool. Or a steady breeze was blowing. Such an ungrateful bunch, my family.

However, they are my family. No matter how crazy or bizarre they are, I love the whole big, prickly pack of them!