Like Snowflakes, No Two Bourbons Are Just Alike

First, the good news -- I've decided I need to make my very own barbecue sauce. I've got several recipes to choose from and adapt to my taste and style. And the bad news? It seems I've picked a sauce that lists bourbon as one of its main ingredients.

I suppose to any normal guy, this wouldn't be a setback. He would simply waltz into the local ABC Store, pick his favorite bourbon, purchase it at the counter and head back home to make his sauce. This, in fact, was my plan as I drove the short distance to the store. Never mind that this was only the third time I had ever even set foot inside the store.

I walked in and looked around. No bourbon. I looked straight ahead. No bourbon. I looked left. No bourbon. I then looked right, and, you guessed it, no bourbon. It wasn't until I turned around to leave that I saw it.

I figured there would be a few different types of bourbon from which to choose. As I turned around, I discovered the mother lode. Bourbons covered the entire wall. They seemed to stretch from the floor to the ceiling and from the door I walked through to the next wall, about five miles away! I started walking, hoping one would "jump out" at me. After 10 minutes of walking, I decided help would be needed.

In hindsight, asking for "help with the bourbon" may have been a little vague. The employee was super nice and super-uber knowledgable about his bourbons. Perhaps a little too knowledgable.

You got high octane and low octane (my terminology, not his, with 'octane' referring to the proof) bourbons. You got all the ones in between, too. You got true bourbons and southern bourbons, which are better known as whiskey bourborns, or just whiskey. You got... He went on like this for a while, blissfully unaware that my fight or flight reflex was about to kick in.

"Now if you'll just step over here with me," he said. I followed. "These are what we call bourbon mixes..."

"I just want to make barbecue sauce with it," I said quickly, holding a hand up. I was ready to make a mad run for the door and my car.

From that point on, things progressed much more smoothly. He asked me questions about my recipe and whether anyone would be drinking the bourbon. I answered his questions and let him know that nobody, especially me, would be drinking it, as my last experience with consuming licquor flashed through my mind.

Within five more minutes, we actually settled on one and I made it out of the store, bourbon in hand, in one piece! And I managed to keep it under an hour, too!

Needless to say, I've since made my barbecue sauce. The sauce failed to receive the 14 year-old's seal of approval. It certainly didn't get the wife's seal of approval or even the brother-in-law's seal of approval. Let's just say it had a strong flavor.

I'll just have to continue experimenting with the other ingredients. I still have nearly a full bottle of bourbon left in the cabinet and I won't be purchasing another soon!