Perfect Dad Status Attained?

I have a confession to make. And I figure, what better place to make such a profound, disturbing confession that may rock the beliefs and foundations of my friends and family that know me best than here on my very own medium, Fuzzy, Black Dogs. What is this mind-blowing confession, you might ask. It is simply this: I have not always been the picture perfect Dad everyone, my son included, thinks I am.

Before I got married and, especially, before I had a child, I used to be a heavy sleeper. Barking dogs? No problem. Snoring wife? No problem. Traffic coming up and down the street? No problem. Thirty pounds of explosives going off within 500 yards of my house? Get real... No problem.

When we first brought our son home from the hospital, again, no problem. He began crying that first night and I slept like a baby. Most of this is my wife's story because, the truth is, I simply don't remember most of it. But I've heard it so many times that I know it by heart.

"Phillip,wake up," she said. "The baby's crying."

"Mmm-hmm," I responded. "Thas great. Lurv you tooo... Zzzz."

"Honey, wake up," she said firmly. "The baby. It's crying."

According to her story, this is the point where I got up and began wandering around the bedroom like a moron taking a nice stroll on a sunny day.

"The," she said loudly. "Baby. Is. Crying."

That's when she said I moved into action. I started by opening the closet door. Then I opened each drawer in her bureau, after which I moved to mine, opening each drawer from top to bottom. I looked under the bed. I looked under her makeup table. Then I moved Allie, our collie, rolling her over and looking under her.

"BABY," she screamed. "NURSERY!"

I actually remember that. I believe I responded with an "of course," and off I went to the nursery to get the crying baby. I picked up our fussy little child and consoled him. I gave my wife a big grin to show her I was on top of things and the baby was in good hands. I was sent immediately to warm up a bottle.

Since then I have slowly evolved into what can only be described as the perfect Dad and Husband. At the slightest whisper of "Dad?" at three in the morning, my eyes pop open and my brain is instantly awake. No caffeine necessary.

On a side note, my wife and son won't agree with my perfect status. The only reason they don't, though, is because they just don't want me getting a big head over it.