Stealers Set to Take Superbowl

We are well into November and everyone knows what that means -- football! That's right, we're in the thick of football season and everyone is making predictions, including me.

This may sound like blaspheme to some, but I don't normally keep up with football. In fact, I couldn't tell you who won the last Super Bowl, or even the two teams who played in it.  I can, though, tell you they had some pretty good commercials. And I do remember some half-time shows, wardrobe malfunctions and all.

Regardless, I have studied the ins and outs of football during the last few days. Here are my observations and  predictions for the rest of the season.

First of all, NFL stands for National Football League and AFL stands for American Football League. Some teams belong to one league, while others belong... Well, to the other. Duh!

Secondly, football is a sport where you are not allowed to touch the ball with your hands.

Wait! Scratch that... That is football to the rest of the world, otherwise known as soccer. On this side of the pond, football is a sport where a ball can be kicked, thrown, fumbled, passed or run by a bunch of guys wearing enough padding to protect them from a charging rhino.

Anyway, we have all these teams out there pounding and beating on each other, vying to be the top two teams to beat on each other in the final bout known simply as the Super Bowl. And what does the winner of that get? Cuts, scrapes, sprains, bruises, broken bones, an occasional Gatorade dunking and a little trophy.

Oh yeah! My wife just reminded me that they also get these little rings, as well as trips to Disney World. Is that part of the winning package?

But, again, I digress. In a nutshell, the Pittsburgh Stealers will take the whole thing. My reasoning is simple.

The Dolphins are all wet. The Bengals, as we all know, are close to extinction. The Buccaneers' ship has sailed. The Redskins are experiencing an uprising because, I think, they don't like being called Redskins. The Panthers have been poached. And the Chargers? They're maxed out.

While there's a plethora of other potential pigskin potentates out there, the Stealers...

I've just been informed by my wife that its Steelers, as in metal. Not Stealers, as in thievery. Makes sense due to the steel factories in and around Pittsburgh.

Oh great. Back to the drawing board!

Super Bowl Turns Out to be a Battle of Sorts

Another Super Bowl has come and gone. Given these confusing times, it might be necessary to give an honest recap of the entire fracas. Otherwise, there may be many people who don't understand what really happened on the evening of Sunday, February 6.

Two rivaling factions came together on a really large grassy field located in Dallas, Texas. It's unknown what the two factions were fighting over, exactly. However, they attempted to settle it by throwing balls and by slamming into each other repeatedly. Ironically, the whole soiree started out peacefully enough with a gentleman in a striped prison outfit throwing coins. Only the most civil members of each group were allowed to attend this. Due to the television volume, or the lack thereof, the coin toss determined that there would be a battle of sorts.

The thieves of Pittsburgh... Correction -- the steelworkers of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, initially kicked the ball at the packagers of Green Bay, Wisconsin. After the steelworkers kicked the ball, two relatively small groups of each faction ran at each other toward the middle of the large field. During the first half of the fracas, several of the packagers were maimed or injured, or maimed and injured, gave up and simply left thegame. The packagers also caught balls aimed at the steelworkers during the first half. When that happened, confusion reigned on the field and members of both factions would reverse directions and seemed unsure of what to do.

At the conclusion of the first half, a light show ensued. Again, due to the lack of volume, it appeared a group called the Black Eyed Peas was singing up a storm. They certainly blinked up a storm, creating the effect of stunning the packagers from Green Bay, Wisconsin. This was evidenced by the slightly lackluster performance of beating up on the steelworkers from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

In the end, the packagers showed what a close-knit group they were by all coming together for a massive group hug. Even some of the injured ones hobbled into the hug. Meanwhile, there was an organized effort to fill the air with millions of little pieces of paper whose purpose was simple; to provide ample cover so the striped prisoners could make their escape. The point to all this? Well, it doesn't seem there was any point to it. But it looked like a good time was had by all.