Golf Pro or Pro Golfer?

I made it through the golf tournament in one piece and I have great news for my readers... My team won the tournament! It was amazing! We had the highest score of the day!

Our final team score came out at two over par. If I remember correctly, the next highest score was a paltry one under par. Pshaw! We beat them by three.

I will admit that my fairway play lacked my usual finesse and flair. I didn't hit any trees or pop my ball onto the wrong fairway. However, I was able to help the grounds people out by aerating the fairways at various intervals throughout the entire course.

Don't despair, readers! I got some really good yardage on a considerable mound of earth on the 11th hole...

I jokingly told the country club employees my sponsor and father is a doctor. Being the good natured crew that they were, they went along with the joke, telling me they would send him the fairway repair bill. What a great bunch of guys!

My tee game went pretty smoothly. On several holes I managed to clear the end of the tee box. I even put the ball in the fairway on a few. Impressive, huh?

I was a little concerned about my putting game, though. The lack of windmills, chutes and loop-the-loops nearly threw me off. I managed to pull it together after a few holes and even made a few good putts.

Now I'm facing a dilemma of epic proportions. Do I quit my jobs at my elementary school and at my little drugstore to become a professional golfer? And, of course, which is better? Be a golf pro or a pro golfer?

Golf Sponsors? Apply Within

My church will be holding a captain's choice golf tournament later in September. My golf partner and best bud, Al, has convinced me that I need to join his team.

Of course I'd love to join his team. Golf is better when you have a sidekick along.

Each team will consist of four team members. I think it's called a captain's choice tournament. Translation: no matter how badly I do, my team still has a chance to win. To join, it's but a mere $50. 

Considering how much a teachers assistant makes, I immediately set out to find a sponsor.

Sure my golfing skills are legendary! One would think sponsors would be coming out of the woodwork for me! Unfortunately, Nike, Toyota and Titleist were nowhere to be found.

Be that as it may, there would be many advantages to sponsoring me for this golf tournament. The main advantage, of course, would be that you give all the other players a slightly better percentage chance of winning.

Yet another advantage would be that I'll write the name of your business across the back of my shirt. Or the front. Or both! As my sponsor, that, of course, would be your choice.

Also, a sponsorship would assure me a spot in the tournament, which, I believe, is walk-only. The advantage? You will either be forcing me to exercise, or else be secretly hoping I expire out on the links in Thomasville. 

That would be sad. Then I would no longer be able to write posts for Fuzzy, Black Dogs.

Please keep in mind the fact that, as a sponsor, you won't share any responsibility in any damages that may occur.

During my last golf outing, I may have caused a little course damage. However, I must have hit that five pounds of dirt and tee grass nearly 200 yards! Good distance for me!

As of the end of this writing, I have actually secured a sponsor. I am, by the way, willing to take on more sponsors (for any Nike, Toyota or Titleist reps reading this). Anyone else interested in sponsoring me for the golf tournament can reach me through Fuzzy, Black Dogs. Just use the comment feature to leave your credit card number.

No worries. I'll only use your cards for the essentials, such as cleats, golf gloves, golf cap, cleaning rag, fuzzy dice for my golf cart...

Golfing Newbie Shows Potential

I've discovered a sport where you get to drive carts, carry clubs and whack the heck out of little white, dimpled balls over a vast expanse of land that is riddled with little holes. It's called golf.

Incidentally, that is also my newest adjective that I have managed to acquire -- golfer. You can add that adjective to the rather large list of adjectives that currently describe me.

I have been playing long enough, though, to know which end of the club you use to hit the ball. Also, the balls are supposed to be aimed at the little holes scattered randomly around the grounds.

It seems one of the most important rules of the game of golf is that you don't hit just any white, dimpled balls you find laying around. Somehow, you have to be able to differentiate your white, dimpled ball from all the others scattered around the landscape. You can only hit your own white, dimpled ball. This adds a serious degree of difficulty to the game.

The good news, though, is that I am destined to be a great golfer. My reasoning behind this revelation is rock solid.

To the best of my knowledge, all the greatest golfers have a signature move or gesture that sets them apart from the rest of the pack of wannabe greats.

I already have a signature move -- my swing! While it has not yet been compared with, say, Tiger Woods or Andre Agassi, it has attracted a bit of attention from my golf partner and other fellow golfers.

I call my signature swing 'the Mongo' for it's strength and ferocity. My golf partner and friend simply calls it unique. I overheard some golfers playing through one day refer to someone as a "seizure with a stick." I hope whoever they were talking about is okay.

On top of all that, I've been known to hit that little white, dimpled ball nearly 100 yards off the tee with my biggest club. Now that is impressive!

As you can see, my game shows a lot of promise and potential. My partner says I can only go up from here!

I am a little worried, though, since I simply don't know if I will have time to write once I join the pro circuit.