Random Facts About Me

I read a pretty funny blog post on www.laughwithusblog.com recently. The author listed 25 random facts about herself she felt might be interesting. Or humorous. Or both!

Regardless, I thought that might be a good challenge for myself. Considering how long I've been writing my blog, you probably know all sorts of random facts about me that you hoped you might forget by now. You are in luck! Here's 25 more to store away for future knowledge!

I haven't always been a health nut. As a kid, the only green items I ate were M&M's, jelly beans, Skittles, freezer pops...

My favorite color? Green!

I'm not the laid back, chill individual I profess myself to be. Sometimes I can be a little uptight.

I make my own dishwasher detergent.

My fastest 5K ever was just under three minutes. My fastest running time, however, was 33 minutes and 16 seconds.

I once put an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my mouth. It was a dare. I won.

I died once. Well, I thought I had, at least. It turns out our black cat just wanted a warm place to sleep and curled up on my face while I was asleep!

My first career goal that I ever remember making was to be a mountain man. I didn't know what it meant, but that was my goal.

I originally went to Cape Fear Community College to be a marine biologist. The marine diesel mechanics class scared me off.

I went to NCSU for a few years. I took fencing, archery, rock climbing...

I finally graduated from High Point University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English with a concentration in creative writing. (Imagine that!)

I drowned in a pool once for a Raleigh news station.

I like meat. Doesn't matter what kind. I'm a carnivore.

When I was a kid, I used to wish something bad would happen to me. Something bad enough that when I was "fixed" or healed, I either had bionics, or super powers.

Though my first attempts were nearly fatal, I'm a pretty good chef. And I enjoy cooking.

I once made a spaghetti sauce that a skinny, stray dog refused to eat.

I tried to change my name once to make myself more distinguished. I added Forrest. (Yes. This was before Forrest Gump!)

At 10 years old, I knew I was destined to be a professional stunt man.

The Beatles were still a band when I was born. "The who?" my first-graders used to ask. "No. Not The Who. The Beatles." Lame joke, but it amused me.

I like to amuse myself.

I find things. Like my sister's lost earring in the front yard. And a diamond ring once in my own back yard. And a five dollar bill on a recent run. And...

I've had dogs, cats, turtles, gerbils, a parakeet, rabbits, snakes, frogs, fish and snails. I think there were some others, but I don't remember!

There are some beef jerky dog snacks that taste like cheap human beef jerky. Deduce what you will from that statement.

I know the numbers one through five in Spanish. I know seven through 15 in French. I know six only in English.

I like to make lists!

Fortune Cookie Writer for Hire

Even though I love egg drop soup, I'm not a big fan of Chinese food. Despite my ambivalence towards Chinese cuisine, my family decided to partake a meal at China Capital, our usual choice for oriental fare.

Being a writer, my favorite part of the meal is, of course, the fortune cookie.

Most of the time, the messages give you some positive spin on your future, such as "Those around you enjoy your candid personality," or "You will inherit a large sum of money." These were two we received last night. Mine said something about profits following me...

There are the rare occasions that you get an interesting, or fun, fortune. Not long after we got married, my wife got the best one ever. It said, "Now you know what an unemployed copywriter does."

Why can't the fortunes be more fun and exciting like that? I'm thinking I've discovered my next career move for my writing. Fortune cookie writer would look great on my personal writing resume. Instead of calling them fortune cookies, mine will be Phil's Fun Fortune Cookies.

In fact, I've already come up with quite a few fortunes for my new venture. Here is but a small sampling:

Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!

Good thing you didn't eat the shrimp.

Hello, Kevin.

May the fleas of a thousand sweaty camels infest your armpits.

The person to your left just farted.

Anyone out there?

Don't turn around. I'm right behind you.

I'm thinking Chinese for dinner...

When you get a fortune cookie, do you read or eat first?

Did you see that?

Thanks! It sure was cramped in there.

Now what?

Do you smell something, too?

Is it safe?

You're going to write a large check and mail it to me soon.

A relative may be withholding important information from you.

What do you suppose your dogs are doing while you are eating out?

And my favorite? That's easy. Here's what it would say.

Reading and sharing Fuzzy, Black Dogs with your friends and family will only increase your health.

Hot Tub Assembly Made Easy

Ah, summertime! I love these hot summer days with the sun shining brightly, beckoning me outdoors. Summertime means food, fishing, swimming, food, freeze pops, camping, hiking, food, biking, picnics, beach trips, canoeing, grilling and projects. In fact, I feel a summertime project coming on...

One thing I should mention here is that as a young boy, I generally had a project lined every year for summertime.

One summer I built a live, working, Burmese tiger pit in the back yard, complete with the pointed spikes lining the bottom. I also seem to remember a summer that I laid out and began construction on  an in-ground swim pool in my Dad's side yard. There was also a summer when I lived outdoors in my blue, two-man tent. I think I was training for my career as an outdoorsman. And then there was the summer I planned my circumnavigation around the globe in my Dad's beautiful, grand sailboat he kept at the side of the house. Oh, the memories that 14 foot fiberglass boat evoke.

It's been quite a while since I've embarked upon a big, summertime project. But I've been thinking long and hard about it. I have come up with a new one. As a kid, I always shrouded my projects in mystery, planning to unveil them upon completion. After years of experience, I may consult my wife before starting my new one.

My plan is a simple one -- I will be installing a hot tub in my back deck.

I've already drawn out my plans and I know exactly where the hot tub will go. The first challenge will be cutting a hole in my deck. Whether with scissors or saw, I've never been known for cutting straight, even holes. That will be an easy fix. I'll tether the circular saw to an eyehook sunk in the middle of the deck where my hole will go. Problem solved!

The next challenge will be the piping. I already know where the water pipes are under the deck. Prior to installing the pipes, I may have to fix the spigot that I managed to break last year (or was it the year before?). I promised my wife it would be done. Maybe I'd best follow through on that one first.

Then I'll hire my awesome brother-in-law to come help me sink it into the deck since it might be too large for me to handle alone. He usually loves to be a part of my fun plans. Perhaps he'll even crawl under the deck and clear the spiders for me so I can help him assemble the piping.

After that, it's just a simple matter of connecting the piping, setting up the pump, bracing the bottom, filling it with water, treating the water and turning it on. Voila! In no time at all I'll be enjoying my hot tub. I can't help but imagining relaxing in it while my 14 year old son waits on me, replenishing my beer.

Wish me luck! I'm off to the store so my wife and I can discuss my potential summer project over a nice bottle of wine. Perhaps I should get two.

Phillip's Holiday Eating Guide

I'm a man of many hats... Father, husband, son, uncle, in-home sick care provider, cook, bill payer, lawn maintenance provider, home maintenance provider, general car fix-it guy, chauffeur... Okay. You get the picture. However, today I'm going to try on a new hat -- self-help diet guru!

What better way to try out my newest title than to help my readers through this troubled time (known as the Holiday Season!) with my vast and incredible knowledge about food and general dietary needs. Let's start with a brief quiz.

The food you are eating these days...
1. Is it sweet?
2. Is it salty?
3. Can you eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner?
4. Does it come individually wrapped?
5. Do you inexplicably crave it at seemingly random times of the day and/or night?
6. Does it contain chocolate in any way, shape or form?
7. Is it fun to eat?
8. Would your (or any, if you don't have one) ten year-old son eat it?
9. Would dogs, cats, ferrets, parakeets or iguanas eat it if it is left out?
10. Can it be described as yummy, tasty or "Mmmmm-that-is-heavenly!"?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the questions above, it's probably not something healthy to eat. If you answered 'Yes' to all of them, then I know it's not something healthy to eat and might cause you to gain a little holiday weight.

In years past, before I was married, I listened to my mother and 'stuck with green stuff.' In light of my holiday diet in years past, however, she has since rescinded that comment. Apparently, she was not referring to the little tree-shaped cookies with the the green icing, or the green M&M's, or green gummies, or green jelly beans, or... Well, you get the idea.

Keeping all this in mind, you have only two options open to you as far as what you can eat throughout this holiday season. The first would be plain, uncooked oatmeal straight out of the box. That means you can't put butter, salt, syrup, sugar or any flavoring on it. The second would be Brussel sprouts. They're green AND supposed to be healthy for you, though I've never actually witnessed anyone besides my mother consume one.

And there you have it! Just stick with Phillip's Famous Holiday Eating Plan and by the time January 1st rolls around, you'll be a leaner, meaner and more fit you! Happy eating and happy holidays!