Wetsuits, Snorkels and Dead Bodies! Oh My!

(Travel Date: February 5, 2012. Blog Post Number... Okay, nevermind!)

Okay, we really have to start from the evening of Saturday, February 4th. That would be the evening with the midnight party and buffet on the main deck. That was the night of the drunk people on the dance floor. Honestly, there are few things in life quite as entertaining as a really drunk person stumbling to the dance floor to show off his or her "moves."

Well, that evening there was a his and a hers! She climbed atop of the stone statue at the head of the pool. That's where she showed off her "moves." Not surprisingly, the rhythm of her "moves" did NOT seem to follow the rhythm of the music being blasted across the deck. He was wearing a suit up top and nothing on the bottom but his skivvies. Really. And he showed off his "moves" to any woman brave enough to come within a three foot radius of his gyrations and seizures. From my vantage point, it looked as though he scared a lot of women off.

Want to know what an evening of wild revelry and debauchery is good for? It makes breakfast the next day a quiet, more enjoyable ordeal for those of us who didn't get stinking drunk from Bahama Mamas or Coco Locos.

Some time after our pleasant breakfast, we were shuttled to the cruise line's private island called Coco Cay. I decided that if we were going to spend time in the water, my son and I would need wetsuits. We donned our rented wetsuits. It was amazing the number of heads that turned. Women up and down the beach could only gaze and wonder. That tight wetsuit accentuated all my manly curves.

After breaking away from all the attention, my son and I decided it was time to get wet. Decked out in our manly wetsuits and snorkeling gear, we hit the water. And we snorkeled. And snorkeled. And then snorkeled around some more. We had quite a blast out in the water, only to find our group spot deserted upon resigning from our water activities.

He and I spent maybe 30 to 45 minutes just trying to locate one of our herd that came out to the island with us. During that time, we got hungry. Naturally, we found some food and sat to eat. That's when this wild looking couple came upon us.

"You'd better tell your wife where you are," my parents said. "She told the officials you went snorkeling and never came back. I think they're dragging the lagoon looking for your dead bodies now."

Unbeknownst to me, my nephew wimping out halfway through the snorkeling adventure was merely the beginning of the end. That's when the trip took a turn for the worst. And that, my friends, is another blog post...

Alien Life Discovered on Earth?

My son and I suspect that fuzzy, black dog number two (or fbd2, for short) may not really be a dog. As of this writing, we have yet to ascertain the black creature's species, or if she really belongs to the animal kingdom here on earth.

We, my son and I, have had numerous discussions on this very topic. There have been many guesses about the fuzzy creatures origins, but none have proven helpful. I have included below some of the main points that come up each time.

"Almighty Princess," another name we call her, does not like drinking from the communal dog bowl. Instead, she acts like a sloppy drunk, wandering from one drink to the next in search of leftovers. Water, tea, coffee or juice. It doesn't matter. If she can reach it, in goes the fuzzy little head. Lap, lap, lap.

Fbd2 gets violently ill every time she consumes any store bought dog food. I have to make all her food for her. This fact is partially due to a mistake which occurred at the vet. A knowledgable vet should be aware of what substance they are injecting into what creature.

Also, every time I trim her nails, they grow back. They grow back fast. And they grow back longer! She uses these incredible claws to climb vertical surfaces, like my front or the back of the sofa, much like a cat.

Most amazing of all, though, is her ability to slip into hibernation at will. Take a good hard look at the picture above. She's only eight pounds. She's easily the smallest of the three. However, she can sleep, unmoving, in my bed for up to 14 hours at a time. No bathroom or stretch breaks. Completely immobile. I don't even know of any humans that can perform that trick!

Anyway, when I get the dna and carbon lifeform tests back, there will be another blog post announcing my newest claim to fame. Until then, we'll just have to wait and see...