Weight Loss Made Easy

The struggle is real. Many people suffer the self-inflicted torture of counting calories or fat grams, choosing the South Beach, Atkins or some other diet plan, or just deciding on how many tasty freeze pops they can eat in a single night. I know I do!

Personally, I use a Fitbit Blaze to help me count calories in order to stay healthy and lose weight. So far, it has worked phenomenally well! Maybe a little too well. Recently, it told me four French twists, or cream horns (or whatever you want to call them!), contain 1,380 calories!

Beware, though, users of Fitbits! Large calorie items sometimes get deleted out of the Fitbit app on your cell phone. Perhaps my phone didn't have enough memory to store all those calories in my calorie diary. I'll be looking into that. Again.

Regardless, I've come to the realization that I've been going about this health kick, weight loss program all wrong. The true key to weight loss is your scale that you use!

The Randomizer, in all its glory!

I came home from a week long vacation the other day worried about my numbers due to all the junk I ate. I put off getting on the scale until the following morning. Imagine my surprise when I saw, displayed in the little screen, the number 188.6. Holy smokes! I was down about three pounds from my pre-vacation weight! Wow! How amazing am I?

That's when I made a serious mistake. I thought, 'I'll just step on it one more time just to make certain.' Imagine my surprise when the number 202.2 pops up. I stepped on it three more times within a two minute period and spied 197.8, 192.5 and 199.3.

I have since come up with a name for my scale. I call him the Randomizer.

My newest weight loss plan? I'll simply continue using Randomizer, my sometimes weight-friendly scale. However, I'll only enter my weight into my app when a number comes up lower than the previous number I entered.

I'm hoping for a good number tomorrow morning!

Spring Diet Trials

Spring is a time for cleaning, flowers (and pollen!), soccer and new diets. Especially diets! I'm currently in the process of transforming my six-pack abs into ripped, buff abs. So far, so good.

I've begun work on some new dieting ideas. I'm also trying to work out the kinks in some previously attempted diets.

Today I started Phillip's Mix It Diet. Here is what happened. For lunch I had a non-fat vanilla yoghurt. However, since it was teacher appreciation day, I ended up with a largish pack of peanut M&M's. The end result was that I mixed the two.

It's kind of a mathematical equation, so to speak. The reciprocal qualities of each cancels each other out, or, in plain English, the good effects of each cancels out the bad effects of the other, and vice versus. In a way, it's like you're not even eating anything!

I finally gave up on the greens diet. Man cannot live by collard greens alone. And, besides, some serious flatulence is a most unattractive by-product of this particular diet.

I'm still perfecting the formula for the freeze pop diet. My newest innovation there is breaking them up to use as fun ice in your favorite drink. However, they don't taste right in milk, tea or water. Besides, they're just too fun to eat.

My newest idea is a low fat or no fat diet. I've discovered there are many foods that actually have no fat in them! Swedish Fish are fat free. Marshmallows are fat free. So are gummi bears, peppermint patties and jelly beans! This may be easier than I thought.

A good friend of mine suggested juicing. She did well with it, so I may just give it a try myself. The hardest thing about it, though, is what I'm supposed to turn into juice. I can't think of many fruits or vegetables I actually like to eat. The ones I do like to eat should be healthy just to eat, right? Will juicing them make them tastier?

So naturally I began looking at those things that might be tastier to juice like candy corn, circus peanuts or jelly beans. Milkshakes are already kind of juicy. I am still trying to figure out how juicing these items actually makes them healthier for you...

What a Long Strange Trip it's Been

We've reached a milestone. In fact, it's really quite an accomplishment. This writing marks the 100th post for Fuzzy, Black Dogs! While I'm not a Dead fan, what a long strange trip it's been. You know what? It's only going to get better from here.

Here's where we stand after the first hundred posts...

Still have just three fuzzy, black dogs, check. Not two and not four (thank you Lord!) and no plans to change that any time soon.

The children in all three of my first grade classes are still keeping a close eye on me and my daily clothing choices. I have one shirt in particular that's garnered the first grade seal of approval. I'm careful not to wear it too much, though.

Speaking of school, I've not battled any more giant, child-eating spiders.

I'm still dreaming of my 20-car garage and the fleet of cars I will own. While I'm at it, I'm still dreaming of removing the decimal in my current six-figure income.

I still haven't purchased or received my own personal brewery or wine-making kit. But that's a future business venture for another post.

The hot tub project still remains a proposed project. I have not prepped for the zombie apocalypse. I also haven't prepped for my next presidential run. No worries, though. There's still time for each, I think.

I'm still in the process of perfecting the freeze pop diet. My family convinced me to give up the greens diet. Other diets in the works include my popcorn diet, carnivore diet and marshmallow diet. That last one is showing some promise.

I'm honestly hoping that at 45, I wont be getting as sick as I did at the young age of 44!

The holiday I tried to create fell through. I certainly have NOT seen a groundhog since writing about the little critters. I still have a full complement of ice scrapers for my car. I barely used them!

Above all else, I'm getting better at being a passenger in my own car. I'm handling my son's driving pretty well, too. Now, if I could just figure out how I got this nervous tic.

Freeze Pop Diet Makes New Year's Resolution List

I've got some big plans in the works for the year 2013. With that being said, there's no time like the present to get started planning out my New Year's resolutions.

My first one will be to branch out and eat more greens. You know, besides M&M's, Skittles and jellybeans. And, no, I'm not just putting that in to appease my Mom, who does happen to read my blog.

I also resolve to bathe all three fuzzy, black dogs more. More regularly. Occasionally. Either that or invest in a doggy-sitter who will wash them for me. One of them gets smelly!

For the big one, I resolve to be an understanding and patient, yet nurturing father who worries more for the safety of his newly driving son than for the vehicle that said newly driving son could potentially destroy.

I also resolve to perfect the freeze pop diet. My weight went in the wrong direction, so back to the drawing board.

I resolve to drink more.

Wait, I resolve to amend my previous resolution by saying that I will drink more healthy stuff. You know, besides fermented barley and hops.

I resolve to amend it further to include fermented grapes. Oh, and anything else that could be fermented, you know, like rice for saki. And...

Okay, I resolve to consume only alcohol that is deemed healthy for me.

I resolve to test, taste and discover which kind of alcohol it is that is good for me. I promise to let my readers know when I find it.

My final resolution? Easy! I resolve to continue publishing enjoyable and fun (and hopefully funny) posts on Fuzzy, Black Dogs throughout the next year!

Weight Loss Continues to Prove Challenging

After my new diet clashed with my new hobby, cooking, I knew I'd have to find a new avenue to lose weight and get into shape. Honestly, starvation simply sucks. So the obvious next solution is to exercise. I've been reviewing my options, but none have proven to be the right solution for me.

Originally, I considered hiring a personal trainer. Before I can do that, I have to clean up my house. You know what that means. The hardwoods have to be dusted and mopped, the surface tops dusted, all Lego's collected and binned and the kitchen... Well, let's not go there. By the time I've eradicated the fuzzy, black dog fur from the steps and folded half the clothes, I've gotten all the exercise I need. So the personal trainer is out.

The workout video route worked well for me once upon a time. Some years ago, as we prepared for the arrival our our son, my wife purchased a workout video for pregnant women. While it may have been geared towards women with baby bumps, I found it quite challenging. The video itself began to grate on my wife's pregnant nerves and it simply disappeared one day.

My wife keeps suggesting simple exercises such as sit ups, push ups and walking Ace and Lilly--the fuzzy, black dogs. But I have much grander ideas. I like exciting exercises. I like exercises such as biking, hiking, jump ropes and roller blading. The back surgeon told me biking was out, so I tried hiking. I donned my backpack with a little added weight, went for one walk and promptly threw my back out. My wife nixed the jump rope for fear I'll throw my back out again. My son put an end to the roller blading by telling his mother how I nearly killed myself, along with three of his friends, at an ice skating party.

Now I'm considering plugging my iPod into my ears and dancing my way to better shape. The only problem with dancing is that I'll have to notify my neighbors. That will be to prevent any 911 calls about "some guy" appearing to be having seizures within his home. Which, of course, leads me back to simple exercises like sit ups, push ups and walking the fuzzy, black dogs. I better get myself some good walking shoes.