Parenting Advice for Fathers: Teenaged Boys

In honor of my son's 16th birthday today, this posting will be for all the fathers of teenaged boys. As I have never, nor will I most likely ever, have a teenaged girl, those fathers are simply out of luck! For now, anyway.

The first thing... Scratch that. The main thing that you, or anyone, for that matter, need to know about teenage boys is that they simply don't make sense. Really. They just don't.

Very seldom will you understand what it is that they're talking about. Even rarer will be the occasion that you understand what they're doing or, God help you, why they're doing whatever the heck it is they are doing!

Just today, I noticed my newly 16-year-oldized son standing in the kitchen door bouncing sideways in the door frame from shoulder to shoulder, making burbling sounds with his lips.

"What are you doing," I asked him.

"Nothing," he responded.

"Well," I responded, "you're doing something. It's kind of annoying."

"That's the point."

"What's the point," I asked.

"To be annoying."

The conversation deteriorated quickly.

Most importantly, I broke my golden rule of parenting a teenage boy -- if you don't acknowledge it, then it didn't  happen. If you don't talk about it, it's not there. I find this philosophy to be effective and useful about 97 percent of the time with my son.

Be sure to save your energy for that three percent of the time when the real parenting skills you have learned and acquired thus far will really be needed!

Regardless, I did perform the proper follow through to the non-acknowledgement rule stated above. Proper follow through protocol dictates a lengthy, silent look. It should be an appraising look, as opposed to a menacing look. Nod your head twice and meaningfully utter the phrase, "You know, I believe there's a pill made that fixes this."

And that's it! Simple, huh? There may be a post in the future where I throw some wild guesses out on how to deal with teenaged girls. After all, they can't be that different from teenaged boys, right?

Flea Eradication or Entertainment?

Flea season has been pretty rough this year. Multiply three fuzzy, black dogs by 100 fleas. Now multiply that number by 50, the number of eggs each flea can lay a day during it's lifetime. Now multiply... Never mind. You get the idea.

For some reason, fleas seem to be more attracted to my wife and my teenage son than to me. While this is puzzling, we won't be conjecturing as to why this is.

Regardless, I'm the lucky one, or unlucky one (depending), who gets to treat the floors and house for the fleas!

I started out with friends and family, soliciting any advice and helpful tips.

Someone told me to treat the dogs, then keep them in the affected area. The idea is that the fleas will be attracted to the treated dogs, jump on them and die. It doesn't get much cheaper and easier than that. However, the fleas thus far have refused to cooperate. Next!

Having received nothing helpful or useful, I turned to the Internet. You know, you can find anything on the Internet!

Refocusing on the eradication of pesky, tiny, jumping insects, I found a plethora of information on the subject. After reading about the life cycle of a flea, as well as a few close-up photos of these itchy creatures, I read that fleas are hard to kill. Terrific.

However, I also learned that if you mix dishwashing liquid with water, fleas can't swim in it and, ultimately, will drown. Now, if you use an upside-down flying disc, it will be easier for the fleas to jump into the solution.

How do you entice the little pests to jump into it? Why, thank you for asking. You use a bright light! We placed a small spotlight lamp directly over the small, shallow disc of water and dishwashing liquid.

It's proved most entertaining watching the pesky little buggers jump to their doom! My wife, however, seems concerned with the speed and efficiency of this plan. Next!

If you would like to hear my son's opportunistic views on the same subject, you can visit his vlog below.

Phillip's Practical Guide for Fathers

Being a father probably means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. One thing I can tell you for certain, though, is that, as a father, you'd better have some pretty tough feet.

I'm all about giving some solid, practical advice. Being a husband of 17 years and a father of 14 years, I have experience in this particular area of knowledge, as well as some darn tough feet!

Allow me to break it down for you, so to speak. Items come in four main categories which are immobile/breakable, immobile/unbreakable, mobile/underfoot and mobile/collision. Many sub-categories exist, of course, but these are the main ones any good father should be acutely aware of, especially when walking through a quiet, dark house.

The first category consists of any non-round object that falls to pieces when stepped upon. The danger in these items is that they can and often splinter. This creates small shards of wood or plastic which will then imbed themselves deep into those hard-to-reach areas of your foot. These often hurt, but not like the next one.

The second category, immobile/unbreakable, do not roll or move in any way, shape or form. They simply don't break, either. Instead, it's your foot that gives first and causes excruciating pain which gets proportionately worse after midnight. Lego products are a great example of this category. My son is 14 years old and I still curse Lego for making such a quality product on a regular basis.

The third category, mobile/underfoot, consists of balls, toy cars, skateboards, water puddles or any other wet, slippery surface. Fuzzy, black dogs also fall under this category. Mobile refers to the item moving underfoot and causing you to lose your balance. I've found that a category two often lies in wait nearby for you to fall upon, thus imbedding itself into your foot or other unmentionable parts of your anatomy. This, of course, depends on whether you catch your footing or just simply fall.

And now we come to our final category of mobile/collision. By nature and by themselves, they are not particularly harmful or dangerous. They are more a nuisance than anything else. Large balls, vehicles and robots don't really hurt when they roll into your ankles or legs.

Watch out, though. These often work in tandem with the others. Don't believe me? Let me give you an example.

Some years back, my five year-old's shriek of "DA-DEE!!" from the bathroom pierced the darkness and my sleep. While on my way to the bathroom, a firetruck bumped my left foot, distracted me, and caused my right foot to land in an unknown, slippery substance. My body then sailed swiftly past the bathroom and my 'ailing' son. My left foot, trying desperately to save me, came down squarely on a Lego, sending spasms of pain shooting to my brain.

While that story has a less-than-happy ending, and I won't say what I stepped in, it exemplifies how category four items often team up with the others for maximum effect.

Keep an eye on http://www.fuzzyblackdogs.blogspot.com/. Sometime soon, I may post a follow up and teach you how to deal with and prevent this problem for yourself. In the meantime, I will be figuring out how to deal with and prevent this problem for myself. Then, rest assured, I will share it with you.