Apologies Might Be Necessary

I write today with good news, bad news and down right ugly news. The good news is that my mother has been exonerated. It turns out that she didn't take the bag of peanut M&M's which was carefully hidden in my car prior to our Kiawah trip.

With that being said, I feel I should apologize to her for accusing her of such malfeasance. I will point out, however, that she acted awfully guilty for someone so innocent of any wrong-doing. I suppose that apologies should also go out to the rest of the family (you know who you are) who also acted peculiar, though you had nothing to do with the dissappearance.

The bad news is that the bag has been in my car this whole time. It's been pretty hot this summer. Need I say more? No worries, though. I'm only eating the ones that look normal.

That leaves the down right ugly news. The bag showed up under the driver seat. My hiding place in that car is a cavity in the far back of the car. That means that the strange happenings at the North/South Carolina border did more than shrink my beers down. It also moved my bag of chocolate and candy covered peanuts approximately eight feet within my car.

I may be heading to the library soon for books on strange happenings and paranormal experiences that relate to cars and traveling...

Strange Happenings at the North/South Carolina Border

You know how sometimes a strange feeling just comes over you? Just an odd sense of dread or impending doom? I had one of those moments just shortly after dinner this evening. Prior to that, though, my day was marked with strange occurrences and incidents.

My day had started early, as I was heading out on vacation with my family. Most of my family are an odd species that like to wake in the wee hours of the morning in order to get an "early start."

I have one thing to say to that -- 14 year olds. Have you ever tried to wake one? Unh-huh... Good luck.

Anyway, I had purchased a 24 bottle case of Coronas to last me the trip. As the car crossed the state line from North Carolina in to South Carolina (with Kiawah Island being our posse's ultimate destination), the case shrank. Instead of pulling Coronas out of my car, I pulled a case of Coronitas out. Each of those bottles shrank to seven ounce beers! How is that for bizarre?

And then there was the peanut butter and salsa I purchased for the trip. I'm fairly certain I remember putting that bag into the car. It wasn't long after we passed into South Carolina that my wife texted, "U 4 got the pnut butter and the salsa on the counter."

Most bizarre was my secret stash of peanut M&M's. I purchased a large bag for myself that I had NOT intended to share. When I went to retrieve it... Nothing.

I've since interrogated every member of my family over the age of 10. While my mother remains under a cloud of suspicion, no one has reported seeing anything. That bag of peanut M&M's seems to have magically vanished. I strongly suspect that North/South Carolina border...

And then, following dinner, we went out behind the restaurant to look for alligators. I was enjoying my rocking chair when a piece of ice hit me from no where. I determined the source and sent one flying back at my son. That way we were even Steven. Several more flew at me at once. I sent one hurtling back fast and hard, once again, evening the score.

The next series of events as I see them (which may be debatable) are as follows: the remainder of his cup of ice was hurled at my general anatomy. This was done willfully and purposely. Uncoincidentally, my cup of water and ice spilled down the back of his shirt -- inside his shirt, no less! -- accidentally when I tripped. Karma, I think, directed that and made us even.

That's when it hit me. A feeling of impending doom sent a shiver throughout my entire body.

The next thing I know, I spied my 14 year old coming at me with malice in his eyes and an ice water in each hand. I reasoned. I threatened. Then I panicked, turned and ran. As I jumped on my bike to make my speedy getaway, he made his move. He was quicker, and the bike ride home was a cold and wet one.

No worries. This matter remains unresolved and there will be consequences. And when those consequences arrive, they will be silent, swift and stealthy.